Wanna expand on something from this episode about microaggressions! This is something I'm still learning and working on. My partner is trans. I am cis. We love each other! I would never do anything purposefully to hurt them. But sometimes, I fuck up by accident! What then? https://twitter.com/gabydunn/status/1285982683701501953

The first two times, I cried and they ended up comforting me. This is a NOPE. I had to unlearn that reaction and centering myself. Them expressing something was a microaggression is NOT an attack on me and is not something that hurts MY feelings.

Hard to do! I got defensive. I love them! I'm a good ally and a good person. Don't they know my heart and what I meant? Why am I in trouble? (All thoughts I had.) NOPE. Starting to cry and redirecting it to them comforting me and them downplaying what happened to avoid conflict.

This COULD NOT continue. At all. Zero percent. So! It's not personal and it's not about me and it's not an attack. Say sorry. Learn. Change for next time. Done. It is about them and what they need and how I can best unlearn and do differently or better. Crying is not an option.

And tbh, crying is a weapon and it's very manipulative even if it felt automatic and wasn't happening consciously. So it could still happen for you, but it's not the other person's job to fix or comfort you. At all. I changed my mindset from being "in trouble" to being cared for.

They care enough to correct me. They care enough to communicate how I can best be a good partner for them. They care enough to do the vulnerable thing which is to say "hey that hurt." It's a gift. So just apologize and make a note! It's not about me!

Just wanted to say that here because I think people take this especially hard in romantic relationships or think because you LOVE the other person, they should accept anything you say or do or "know your heart" but communication needs to be able to happen on this without fear.