Tw//vent warning! The following thread contains topics that may be sensitive to some readers. Youve been warned.

Some of you already know about my ovarian cist issue. However, I dont think Ive opened up about it much, and how badly its affected me. So, lets get into that.

For clarification, Im 16 yrs old. Biologically female (however pls use the pronouns in my bio, I am not cis) so yes, I did get periods (had irregularities due to hormonal imbalance). The periods I got were so bad I needed to sometimes be taken to the ER because the cramps were-

-unbearable. I would bleed so much that a single movement would cause so much pain and blood flow that I needed to be bedridden for a few days. This detail is important, I promise.

So, November of last year, I start feeling the worst cramps Ive ever felt. But I also started going to the bathroom frequently. No matter what I ate, my abdomen hurt like crazy. And even though I was already claimed to have intestinal issues, this was a whole new level.

We got to the ER. I was told to drink gatorade so that they would be able to see my ovaries. After 2 hours they did an ultrasound and found the ovarian cist on my left ovary. Now, quick note before I rant about the cist-

-I actually hurrayed at first. I know it sounds morbid but I am so desperate to not have kids that if you personally ripped out my ovaries I would thank you. I thought this was my salvation. But alas, dumn bitch juice runs in my veins, and I did not think about future effects.

After a few weeks, the cist started to get moody. It would occasionally punch me with immense pain. More painful than my cramps or the same amount of pain. Also quick note, the other reason we went to the ER was because I didnt get my period for 4 months.

And guess what? The last time I had my period was March of this year and I bled so little, it was like all the blood in my body was gone. I havent had my period since. It doesnt matter anyway because this shit hurts like hell inside another hell.

I also got diagnosed with acute gastritis.

So fast foward to this morning. Its currently 5 am on Tuesday, July 21st and I am woken up at 4 am with immense and I mean IMMENSE pain. Like this shit still hurts. So I went to the bathroom and did my thing. Its not gone and Im in the kitchen taking my medicine which-

-doesnt work for shit because Im still suffering, and we cant go see a doctor rn cuz Florida's numbers in covid are rising by the 10,000s each day and my mom gets out of work tired af and we dont have a car and the nearest hospital is 3 hours away on foot....

Im not ok. Im suffering. Not just from this cist but family issues too. And mental illness. And so much shit. And the only escape is music, art, and talking to my online friends. And I know things will get better in the future. Im aware. Im just not ok rn and its ok to not-

-be ok. Its ok to acknowledge that you are struggling to climb out of a ditch. Because ignoring that there is a problem makes things worse. I cried today. Ive cried alot in the past few months. And I know someone is gonna come at me in the comment section saying that-

-I should be getting help instead of posting this shit here, but thats the thing: THERE IS NO HELP RN.

I hope you guys understand how hard things are going for me rn. I hope you have patience with me as I try my best to spit out art for yall. I hope you still stick around.

End of thread. Thank you for reading. And just to clarify that I dont want pity or worry from yall. I just want you to be aware. Stay safe