warning: this thread mentions sex several times.

it’s no secret that many aces react to jokes about virginity, and i’m here to explain why, so you can understand why we get so upset.

asexuality is defined as “experiencing little to no sexual attraction”, and as a result,

1/7

there are generally lower rates of sex-having amongst asexuals. this doesn’t mean that all aces hate sex (though some do), or that aces never have sex (though some haven’t and never will), because attraction and action are two different things and aces who have/like sex are

2/7

still valid, but that’s another thread. now, as a community, we recognise the harm that allonormativity structures cause, in particular, the pressure to have sex. sex, unfortunately, is seen as a sort of “rite of passage” by society, or a “growing up thing”.

3/7

and due to the face that aces either prefer other things to sex, or don’t want sex at all, that translates into infantilisation and even dehumanisation, when people believe that a desire for sex is part of what makes us human (to which i say: “like we’re the only life on this
4/7

planet to get horny with each other”). so when virginity (when “virgin” is used as an adjective to describe someone who’s never had sex) is used as an insult or a joke, it reinforces allonormative structures as outlined in tweet 3. and aces who are working constantly to

5/7

topple said structures naturally bite back. to many of us, the word “virgin” (when used in a mocking/joke way) carries a lot of hurt, and so we lash out. is it right that we react so harshly? no, I don’t think so; not when so many allos have no idea why it hurts so much.

6/7

but, now that you (the allo reading this) understand a bit more of our aversion to the word, you can hopefully understand is a bit better. there are better ways to make fun of someone than to mock them for their lack of sex-having.

7/7