After a lot of thought, I& #39;ve decided to take a step back from speedrunning for a while. It wasn& #39;t easy coming to this decision, but I think it& #39;s for the best.

I& #39;ve been incredibly active over the past half year or so. I started running Celeste and saw some pretty significant growth. I& #39;ve pumped out a lot of videos in that time frame.

If you& #39;ve followed my tweets however, you& #39;ll know that the success has come with a price. I& #39;ve grappled with my mentality a lot over the past few months. It& #39;s taken a toll on my mental health.

My first thought was to speedrun more. If I got in more practice and did more runs, I& #39;d get over the mental hurdles and get more accustomed to it. Clearly that did not work. The speedrun practice streams fizzled out relatively quickly.

Despite that setback, I was intent on keeping up the pace of improvement I had been seeing. I was getting new PBs in Celeste ILs fairly regularly, but they weren& #39;t enough. I was always chasing after the next goal, the next PB.

I don& #39;t think this is necessarily a bad thing. It& #39;s natural to want to improve, especially in speedrunning. But it was consuming me to the point that I wasn& #39;t even taking the time to celebrate my PBs that I was getting.

My approach to it was vulnerable to toxic thoughts, and I think part of me knew that. I didn& #39;t want to do anything about it so long as I could say I was producing results. Some things fell by the wayside along the way.

My progress in Super Metroid is a good example. Did I make progress? Of course. But it wasn& #39;t nearly as substantial as Celeste. I& #39;d expect my growth in a new game to start off a little faster, but I ended up neglecting Super Metroid in the long run.

I still don& #39;t know how I& #39;m going to handle the negative thoughts that creep into my mind while I& #39;m speedrunning. What I can do is limit how much of an effect speedrunning can have on my overall mood and emotional state.

Celeste ILs were really appealing because of how approachable they were. I could sit down and do attempts without having to plan a chunk of time in advance. But that meant I was spending a lot more time doing runs and therefore opening me up to the bad emotions.

Part of my plan to dial it back is to stop doing runs on weeknights. I want to focus on my backlog and other streaming projects as well as keep my mind clear. I& #39;m not going to stop speedrunning completely. At the very least, I don& #39;t want to get rusty.

I& #39;ll probably be keeping speedruns to weekends when I& #39;m not busy with anything else. I& #39;ll be devoting a few hours max per week. My primary goal will be preserving my current level of skill and not relentlessly chasing after PBs.

Not sure if I& #39;ll stream attempts or not, it& #39;ll depend on how I& #39;m feeling. This thread has gone on long enough, and I& #39;m not sure I& #39;ve fully expressed everything that I& #39;ve been feeling recently. But I need to go to bed now so I& #39;ll wrap it up.

I& #39;m not giving up. I& #39;m stubborn to a fault like that. But I am going to take the time to figure out the healthiest way for me to continue doing this without the emotional strife. Thanks for bearing with me and supporting me. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🧡" title="Orangefarbenes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Orangefarbenes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💛" title="Gelbes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Gelbes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💚" title="Grünes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Grünes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💙" title="Blaues Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Blaues Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz">