Briones is so old, she was friends with Tapa King when he was still Tapa Prince.

Briones is so old, she updates her Facebook using an abacus.

Briones is so old, her facialist has to iron out her wrinkles.

Briones is so old, she had been classmates with Oblation before he turned into a statue.

Briones is so old, when Death visits her, she's like, "Uh oh, stalker."

Briones is so old, her first trip abroad was on a pterodactyl.

Briones is so old, her husband is the 3rd reincarnation of her childhood crush.

Briones is so old, she used to babysit Enrile.

Briones is so old, her birth certificate was etched on a stone tablet.

Briones is so old, her pubic area has a bald spot.

Briones is so old, she was once divorced by Adam for Eve.

Briones is so old, she was the copy editor of Iliad.

Briones is so old, there were no history classes when she was still in school.

Briones is so old, her first boyfriend was the Java Man when he was still known as the Java Boy.

Briones is so old, her first citizenship was Pangaean.

Briones is so old, her favorite school field trip was the Exodus.

Briones is so old, museum visits give her flashbacks.