uh angst.

"what were you even thinking, keith?! were you paying attention? did you even listen at all to shiro?! allura's hurt becaude of you!" lance shouted the moment all the paladins exited the healing pod room.

everyone is silent.

"she could be dead and we wouldn't even know it! but you're too stubborn and keep your head shoved so far up your own ass, you don't listen to authority! do you even hear me?!"

no, keith thinks, wishing his helmet screen could dim so no one could see the tears swelling in his eyes. or how it could mute him so no one could hear him choking up on the bile curling in his throat.

it's his fault. he didn't make sure red had her pilot belt clipped in. because he never uses it.

lance is still screaming at him, and when he finally spots the distance in keith's eyes, he jumps and yanks keith's helmet off his face, throws it aside and lands his curled fist into the side of keith's cheek.

keith doesn't react, can't react, because he's thinking of how he's fucked up.

𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒. 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒.

but the punch hurts, and he gently touches his cheek to try and feel out the incoming bruising.

though he's thrown onto the floor with weight crashing onto him, lance straddling his stomach and landing harder and deeper punches into his face.

no one does anything. they all watch, silent. no shock, but.. disappointment in their faces.

blood swirls in keith's throat, tears block his vision, but he doesn't fight back. doesn't ball his fists or try to defend himself.

coran snaps at all of them, and uses himself to heave lance off of keith who spits in his direction.

"she could be fucking dead because of you! we have to wait to see how she ends up! this is all your fucking fault!"

coran mutters in his native tongue, drags lance away.

keith lays there on the floor, looking up at the castle ceiling and walls. though it's meek, it's bleary and he can't see very well.

he doesn't need the healing pod to find out what's broken or what isn't.

his nose is broken, his jaw is dislocated and he has stubborn throbs on his cheeks and forehead. he can fix it himself, but he'll need the castle's kit supply.

his own kit is at home, in his and his pops' shed. in his room, tucked under his pillow.

keith is being pulled up to his feet by hunk, the big guy wrapping an arm around keith's waist to support him.

none of them say anything and keith can feel the eyes on him and his bloody face. blood mixed with saliva drops onto the floor from his busted lips.

"buddy, let's get you to the healing pods," hunk tries. voice strained with tiredness.

tiredness from keith.

keith pulls himself free from hunk's hold, crosses his arms over his chest. it's his only form of comfort.

he doesn't deserve it though.

keith feels sick. his whole body aches, his face is swelling up with bruises and he's dirtying the floor with his blood and saliva and tears.

"what happened to you keith?" pidge whispers.

"i'll be in my room," keith croaks out instead. his voice is hoarse and his lips are chapped and keith wishes his whole body could just move on its own.

"keith, what happened isn't your–"

keith spins on his heels and quietly marches from the room, into the hallway.

he can't see, his eye already swollen and clouding his vision, but he feels himself to his room, feeling up against the walls, despite not wanting to touch anything.

keith makes it to his room in less than ten minutes. his door hisses open and he rocks inside, feeling around for his connected bathroom.

he can't see, he can't, but fuck if he needs someone to come in and do his face for him.

he'll be fine.

straighten your back out, shake your shoulders loose, you're fine.

his mantra. keith utters such as the bathroom lights buzz on and he's face to face with his reflection.

the sudden rage that engulfs him is enough to have him ball his fist and swing at the mirror.

it hurts. it hurts so fucking much. glass shards prick off into his knuckles and fingers. and his hand trembles as he brings it back to his chest makes him know that he's alive and conscious.

keith doesn't treat for his hand, doesn't treat for his face, all he does is run his bloody hand under the altean sink, get a rag and soak it up, patting around his face.

the mirror still creaks and breaks off cracks of glass. keith pays it no mind as he climbs into his bed, leaving the bathroom light to turn itself off.

he's in his clothes, he's uncomfortable, he's hungry, he aches. but.

it brings back an old comfort. comfort from when he was younger living by himself in the shed. when his pops was gone and he fell and sprained his ankle from riding his pops' motorbike.

had nothing but bandages and ice to help.

he falls asleep, curled up on top of the blankets, fallen unconscious from the pain overtaking and settling in his bones.

•••

keith wakes up a few hours later with the harsh gurgling of his stomach. it twists and yanks at his insides, reminding him that he's hungry and hasn't eaten.

the smell of altean food is almost a home melody to his nose, smelling it behind him.

"glad to see you're up."

shiro.

keith curls into a tighter ball. he doesn't reply, squeezes his eyes shut, ignoring the pained tears swelling at the sudden movement and wishes and prays for shiro to leave him alone.

alone. he wants to be alone.

"i saw you punched the bathroom mirror," shiro continues, tone light.

but something heavy lingers in his voice. keith doesn't like it.

"coran got it fixed up for you."

oh.

keith still says nothing, hoping shiro will think keith fell back asleep and will leave. but he doesn't.

"you're thinking loudly over there," shiro jokes.

keith doesn't laugh. has no voice too. no want. no desire.

he just wants to sleep.

"i got you food," shiro sighs, and something thuds against keith's bed.

by his guess, shiro sat on fhe floor by keith's bed, not wanting to take up room on the mattress. keith also notices that shiro's covered him up with a blanket to keep warm.

and despite his body craving it, reaching out for the small comfort it brings, his brain doesn't. so he kicks off the blanket, keeps his lips in a tight line.

"you know lance didn't mean anything by what he said right?"

𝑦𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑑. 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑑𝑚𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑡.

"you can leave, shiro," keith voice is rough and gravelly. he hasn't drank water either. "just leave me alone, i don't need your pity," he says instead.

"it's not pity," shiro whispers.

"oh yeah? then why didn't you pull him off me? you all just stood there with your thumbs up your ass like you've never seen us fight before," keith spits.

his face hurts. he just wants to fucking sleep. not have to explain himself and think about what /should/ have been and what he could have done.

"because you weren't there, keith," shiro sighs, starting over. "you weren't with us when it happened."

"doesn't mean jack shit, shiro. i should be the one in the healing pod, not allura."

"keith, please don't.."

"don't what?!" keith hollers, sitting up and shoving shiro's head aside so he can get off the bed. he's furious, he hurts, and he's crying.

"lance was right! it is all my fault and i should've been the one who got hit! yet YOU made me stay with coran

and hear it all happen! i didn't even see allura get hit! i was hurrying to the pod to get some stupid shit that YOU asked me go get!" he screams, curling his fists.

the aggrivated glass in his knuckles shift and causes his dried blood to crack, and he starts to bleed. so much so that shiro is hurrying up onto his feet to try and calm keith down.

"keith, i–"

"screw you shiro! i should be the one who's dying!" he screamed.

shiro jerks back like he got hit. keith scoffs, bitter and angry.

"and don't tell me, you got the team to listen in on this?" he barks, stomping to his door and slamming his hand down. his door hums and hisses open.

and there falls in his team, lance, hunk, and pidge who grunt at the sudden lack of support. pidge is up first and they look like they've seen a ghost the moment their eyes land on keith's face.

lance and hunk are next and the poor guy screams when keith sinks a glare into him, scaring him off and away from lance.

lance takes one look at keith and winces.

"okay, i may have hit you too hard..."

"if this is your way of apologizing, go shove it up your ass, lance," keith mutters, spinning on his heel and glaring up and shiro.

"and /you/. don't ever come through my door if you plan on prying answers from me just so the team knows what i go through.

my business is MY business, takashi. not everyone else's. screw all of you, get out of my room."

"keith, wait–"

"GET OUT!" keith roars, biting down on his pair of fangs that have sliced through his gums.

he shakily breathes through his nose as shiro swallows and drops his head, quietly ushering himself and the team out of keith's room.

when the door hisses shut, keith screams. loud and unbothered.

it's gutteral and it shakes his stomach up his throat and he's slowly dropping onto his knees as he holds himself tight and screams. and screams and screams.

he just screams. until his voice is gone and he can't speak anything.

but he's still angry. angry at himself and shiro and lance. and pidge and hunk. he punches the floor with his glass striken hand.

if it were possible, the rest of his lungs give out at the blood curling scream that booms through his room, echoes into the hall when the glass is forced deeper into keith's knuckles.

keith doesn't know what happens after that. maybe after his scream, the team came in and carried him to the healing pod after fixing up his hand and face with what they could.

all he knows is that when he awakens, he's falling forward and someone sturdy catches him.

"oh gods, keith, i'm so sorry,"

it's shiro again.

keith huffs, tiredly shoving shiro away. he doesn't get very far, but he thinks his point is clear when he's helped to sit down on the floor.

"you're going to be drowsy for a bit," pidge whispers. "we had to clean you up before we could set you in the pod and–"

"–please stop talking. just stop," keith sighs. "i don't want to hear it, i don't care."

pidge quiets down. keith keeps his eyes closed, feeling bold about being able to have the team scared of his reactions. it's bittersweet.

"funny how you let lance just have at it with me, and none of you did shit yet when i bare my teeth, you're all scared," he comments.

"funny that. lance, if you keep staring at me, i'm going to punch your teeth in."

"we just want to help," hunk whispers.

"help with what? did none of you hear what i just said?" keith snaps, growing frustrated, trying to open his eyes.

"gods, if i could just get away from all of you so i can /think/ for two seconds, i would."

it's dead silent after that. keith feels no regret for speaking it. he's irritated. he doesn't even know who's fault it is anymore.

–||–

okay, less self monologue. im happy that people are personally resonating with keith in this, and it'll be a sheith endgame! just a hell of a lot more tear jerking responses. leggo

–||–

"do you really mean that?" lance asks.

"i wouldn't say it if i didn't mean it," keith huffs out. "you're all fuckin' hypocritical it's unbelievable. pidge is allowed to go and not form voltron for her family? yet when i want to join the blades, and

possibly find my mother that i can't even remember, i'm the bad guy? should i remind everyone here that /lance/ was the one who said you didn't need me? that you had shiro to form voltron? HUH?!"

keith storms up to lance's face, eyes glowing a sunflower yellow.

"well guess what, lance. i never needed any of you in the first place. i was fine without you. i was the one who saved shiro that night, you three stumbled there because you couldn't keep your nosy asses indoors!"

then he's storming off from the healing pod room, leaving a panicking team as he stomps his way to his room.

keith ignores their hollering for him, yanks his arm free when shiro catches up to grab his elbow.

"screw off, shiro. none of you needed me anyways, so fine. i'll go away and get out of your hair."

he storms in his room amd grabs his blade from under his pillow and his jacket hanging off the side of his room shelf, tugging it on before sheathing his blade aside.

"move," he demands when hunk steps in the doorway. hunk cowers and shrinks back when keith bares his teeth.

then he's off to the cockpit of the castle, still ignoring everyone's shouting after him. he grabs a jet key off the hangar in the room, making his way to the jet that vibrates to life at the click.

"KEITH!"

he doesn't stop.

shiro is the one who pulls him back, enwraps him in large arms and tugs him close to a big chest. shiro's sniffling, quietly and unsteadily breathing as he whispers, "please don't go."

keith almost breaks.

almost.

he's never had shiro cry on him before.

"get off, takashi."

shiro's hold tightens on him and keith sighs. but it gets the team to go quiet, so keith guess he can count it as a win.

"you can't leave keith," shiro whispers into his neck. "you can't."

"none of you have needed me, so why bother staying around when i'm not needed?"

"because you're important to the team."

"i'm a better asset to the blades than i have ever been with voltron."

"because you're important to me," shiro counters.

keith rolls his eyes. "sure doesn't seem like it. you let lance beat me into oblivion."

shiro trembles at that. "i was scared."

"oh really? didn't look like it. you looked disappointed that we were fighting again."

"keith, please–"

"get off, shiro. i'm not asking again."

shiro spins keith around on his feet, grabs a firm hold of his face and drops his head. and kisses keith. his lips are wet and salty from tears, but shiro's so soft and willing and desperate.

it catches keith by surprise.

the kiss catches keith so off guard that he actually softens up and sighs against shiro's lips, feeling his eyes flutter closed. his lips throb, still sore but shiro against him is enough to drown the pain out.

when they part, it's soft and keith takes a moment to open his eyes. he desperately wishes for shiro to kiss him again, he wants the physical touch. the comfort.

he wants to just be loved.

then his brain catches up with him and he snaps his eyes open, looking up at shiro who's watching him with a small smile on his face.

"so you'll stay?" he whispers.

something's... off about his tone.

"did you mean it?"

shiro falters for a bit, looking confused. but in that minisecond, it's all keith needs for his answer. he shudders back from shiro, eyes wide and breathing faltering.

𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑡. ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑡.

"kei–"

𝑆𝐿𝐴𝑃!

the entire cockpit is eerily silent once more.

shiro's holding the side of his face where keith just slapped him. eyes so wide, they're the size of golf balls.

keith is crying now. tears are streaking down his face and onto his clothes and the cockpit floor.

"fuck you, shiro," keith sobs, wipes his eyes angrily with his still healing hand and turns on his heel, running towards the jet.

"KEITH! wait, please!" shiro screams after him, trying to match his pace.

but it's nothing close when keith is on a mission to get away from everyone. keith makes it to the jet and jumps inside, praying to the lions above that the window closes before shiro manages to catch up to him.

it does.

keith jams the key into its place, continues to sob and shake into his palm as the jet roars to life and the engines thrum under his seat.

he can't hear shiro, or the team. he's alone in his own silence. his space.

keith pays no mind when he grips the steering wheel and gears himself towards the cockpit doors of the castle.

the room dings a loud noise, and keith closes his eyes as the castle doors hiss open in front of him while a forcefield to keep in an airlock glows blue behind him.

he knows shiro and everyone else are behind the forcefield. otherwise the doors wouldn't open.

good. keith doesn't need them.

keith slams his foot down on the gas and then he's off into the vast galaxy of constellations.