this may be an unpopular opinion but i think that ellie being there for joel’s death made it harder for joel. like i think if she wasn’t there, he’d die with regret about their years apart but i think he would’ve been more accepting of it

because as soon as ellie starts screaming for him to get up, he opens his eyes and moves slightly. he was ready to die and she motivated him to fight even tho he was physically incapable of doing so, and he likely wanted to fight because he was scared for her

i just. i think that for the 5 years they were in jackson, joel’s #1 priority was ellie’s happiness and safety. and in his final moments, he saw ellie screaming and crying while surrounded by hostile people that could have easily killed her

i think that in that moment, joel thought he failed. if ellie hadn’t been there, she wouldn’t have been scarred by those memories, she would’ve most likely been in a safer environment. and joel realises that and he likely blames that on himself

he didn’t die peacefully, knowing that ellie would be ok. he died fearing for *her* safety and knowing that even if she survived the WLF, she would never be the same after seeing him like this. and that’s the saddest thing about his death imo