Not trying to be a hater, but I’m amazed by people who help out their mom friends because the husband is going to be away for like, a week? THE HUSBAND IS ALWAYS AWAY HERE. I just.

I am clearly being a hater, and my friends do help me, & I love them for it. But it still makes me want to scream. That people receive help. That’s how bitter I’ve become.

Partially because my ex has decided to go on vacation with his girlfriend for a month during ... a pandemic, and I literally have the kids for just shy of a month, and the amount my friends can even help is super limited because I’m high risk. So.

People choose to be parents, yes, I have not lost sight of this. But I never ever would have chosen to be a single parent (some do, and god bless), much less a single parent with serious medical issues.

My ex has been negligent this ENTIRE pandemic & when the kids were with him, he just took them to Idaho & let them do whatever they wanted, mask-free, and sent them back to me. For months, I have had to fear my own children. A lot of the time, I just cry.

I want my mom, who is dead, who died a year and a half ago on August 2, who I know would have quarantined with me and would have been helping me with the boys every day. But no, she is dead, and I live long plane rides away from all of my family.

This is what alone feels like, not your husband going on some fucking business trip. Yes, I am bitter & scared & so very fucking tired.

And for all the fuckers who say the sick should just stay home, I do. I stay home, and my children who have been everywhere are brought to me, and I wonder WHEN I’m going to get it & and I wonder IF it’s going to kill me.

THIS is what not having control of your body feels like, not having to wear a fucking mask. Idiots, every single one of you.