Thread by @FFisolami, So I'm going to just talk till I feel everything is out. [...]

So I'm going to just talk till I feel everything is out. I don't fully know why I'm doing this on Twitter but I guess it's somewhere you can actually just pour it you feel like it https://twitter.com/FFisolami/status/1285112762553831424

https://twitter.com/FFisolami/status/1285112762553831424

I think I'm very skeptical and it's something I learnt to suppress as a child because I was asking too many questions that wont put food on anybody's table and ofcourse my parents didn't have time to answer them
I doubt they had answers either, they're only human

But anyway I had to learn to forget to think and learn to do what I was told and relay it the same way. So red+blue is purple, dont ask us what red+green is, dont even think about it, it's not important, nobody will ask you to mix red and green. Okay what I'm saying is

I was taught to stop asking "what if.." to stop imagining situations and to face reality. "Reality" was boring for me, it was clockwork, it was wake up, work, eat, sleep and repeat. And I really couldn't argue these situations and win, lol I was a child and they taught me everyth

So I believed them, they were right about everything so far, they knew more than me and they said they'd never lead me astray because they love me and I believed. In my eyes they knew everything except they couldn't quite tell me what the point of life was and what happens after

So I was raised in a Christian home so naturally I went to the bible for answers, I read the book of revelations which terrified me more than anything. So I tried to be good, I really didn't want to see a beast with 3 heads or be condemned to a lake of fire or any of that

But then again, fear can only hold you down for so long. So I started asking questions again, "who wrote the bible" "why should I believe this" and yes I got the answers it was inspired by the holy spirit "who is the holy spirit?" And how do you know the bible hasn't been edited?

To that they said there's a curse in the bible for whoever adds or removes from its content. Lol "and why do you believe this curse would work? Especially when you don't believe Sango or Obatala's curse" "why do you even believe in curses?", to that they said "we've seen them wor

Lol, turns out all the "manifestations of curses" that they've seen was just medical conditions playing out in people, things that happen to people, cursed or not. At this point I just realised they don't have the answers but they think they do. So anyway I had to start thinking

The good thing about being skeptical is knowing you don't know anything for sure. Nothing absolute, there's no "one rule fits all" and life is extremely torturous and confusing. Lol and this contradicts itself anyway because being a skeptic could be wrong too

But the things I've come to terms with from asking questions
1) life has absolutely no meaning. You don't have any special purpose, the world can do without you. You matter yet you don't. Yes everyone matters because everyone contributes to life as we know it, intentionally or

Otherwise, but you in particular don't matter. You're not special, even though you are

. I can explain this but looooong

. So make your plans and try your best to achieve them but also know that life doesn't care and can pull a "2020" on you and your plans.

2) Be selfish!!! Being selfish is not being isn't the same as narcissism. A narcissist are the centre of their world and the only ones in their world and no one else is worthy. A selfish person's priority is themselves and ultimately they're number one but they also understand

That they're not alone and they need others to satisfy their needs so they do a little bit of give and take and they're highly manipulative which I think is important as long as it's not extreme. Face it we are mostly selfish and manipulative, it's needed.

3) you're not perfect. A lot of people would say "I know I'm not perfect", but recognizing it is different from internalizing it. A lot of people just recognize it and carry on as if they're perfect and judge everyone by that. It's why we don't understand why someone would do

Something we don't agree with. It's why a lot of people have this superiority complex, especially when they feel they've done what is required like "I'm talented, I got educated, I don't smoke, I'm nice to people, I don't break the law, I hustle so why am I ill, broke e.t.c

Or "why would she stay in an abusive relationship, she can leave. I left, nobody is tying you down" "why would a person commit suicide, nothing in this life is ever that serious" "does Dangote have 2 heads"

get over yourself. Even if someone has the exact same things you have

Like twins and siblings have the same genetic pool to choose from, there's no guarantee that the result would be the same. So how much more a situation where so many factors aren't constant. Where even you aren't constant, the same situation presented to you at a different time

and your reaction wouldve been totally different. And you can't beat yourself up for this because remember you're not perfect, know this and know other people are flawed too. And stop trying too, you can never ever ever be perfect. What is even a perfect human???

4) "I don't know", I don't know about the rest of the world but this is something Nigerians hate saying(although I think most humans actually) and it's why death bothers and scares us so much. Nobody knows for sure and the permanence of it is discomforting. It's also why a lot of

People don't like answering uncomfortable questions. Today someone told me she holding on to life so she can bring children into this world and I asked "what if you don't have kids?" And she goes "I'm not going to answer your what ifs"

lol okay. If I tell my mum "what if I

Don't have kids?", she will say God forbid. You can just say "oh I don't know, I'll find out". I don't know doesn't mean you're dumb, doesn't mean you'll never know, it just means what it reads, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW

so you try to find out. Some answers may take your whole life

Time to find, document what you find. Someone somewhere may pick up from there or nobody may ever find it

. Anyway I think that should be the approach to death and a lot of things we don't know about, rather than just think it's bad. But again we're human and we like to think

We are sure . It's quite tricky.
5) so this one maybe misinterpreted but I'll say it. Nobody asked to be here, nobody knows for sure why they're here or how long they're going to be here for and as you grow older it becomes clear how ugly, evil and crazy the world is

(Even though it can be beautiful, lovely and dreamy), but being a young person and seeing how the world works can be very overwhelming. It's a weird change and everything you know starts to seem very blurry and it confusing, spiraling out of control. It's crazy!!!

And I know I've thought several times (when I started to realise that life was pointless and crazy) that "I didn't ask to be here but I'm not dealing with this life that has been imposed on me. I'll off myself and if there's a God maybe he'll start me over in a different life til

We get a right fit or maybe it will just end there. Btw good riddance

life is a mess anyway". So not liking life isn't strange. The evil and difficulty isn't a phase to some people, it's their whole life for as long as they can remember so they're genuinely fed up

Key word here being "as long as they can remember" so it's mostly from their perspective and that's something none of us can ever fully understand -someone else's perspective-. So a person might have grown up in a "hard life" and find out they're different from everyone they know

And start feeling very isolated, and another person might have grown up in dreamland only to realise life isn't what they think it is and the change becomes a major stressor and it can determine their actions. It's really confusing and we have varying thresholds for change/stress

Personally I still don't like life and I still think it's an unfair mess. I can't even say any particular person talked me out of 'not wanting to live', I think I just started adjusting slowly from when I decided that life was a mess. So I got to a point where I don't really want

Want anything but to feed myself, pay my bills(cos we don't live in the jungle where nature provides) and be healthy for as long as

. It also helps that I now have people i can be with and be myself (one of them actually enjoys watching me live my life

so in their eye nothing

I do is wrong).
Bottom line, life is good and it's crazy. This thread makes sense and it doesn't. God may exist, nobody is perfect, nobody is special and each individual is special, variety is the spice of life

, there's a reason for everything we do and it makes sense to

Someone, you don't know anything and you know a whole lot. Just live and let live and don't be afraid of the unknown.
This time next year I may disagree with eveything on this thread

.
I'm done, I've drained myself and I feel better

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