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psych term of the day: Emotional Permanence 
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this affects how we perceive an emotional bond when faced with conflict or distance!
if u ever feel like someone hated u bc they didn’t respond to ur text, then u probably struggle with emotional constancy...so let’s talk abt it!!
this affects how we perceive an emotional bond when faced with conflict or distance!
if u ever feel like someone hated u bc they didn’t respond to ur text, then u probably struggle with emotional constancy...so let’s talk abt it!!
to best understand this concept, let’s review some vocab!
object permanence is a skill developed in early childhood,,, it’s the understanding that objects still exist even though we can’t see them (think of peek-a-boo :D) object constancy is the emotional equivalent of this!
object permanence is a skill developed in early childhood,,, it’s the understanding that objects still exist even though we can’t see them (think of peek-a-boo :D) object constancy is the emotional equivalent of this!
distance, time apart, arguments, delays in communication,, these can all trigger someone’s self-doubt and insecurity, even if the relationship is built on a solid foundation. this is why some people need to constantly feel loved or else they assume its gone </3
so what does it look like?
ppl who lack emotional permanence need constant reassurance and validation, but that confirmation eventually wears off…their mind convinces them to reject the reassurance and bc they can’t recreate that feeling on their own, the cycle begins again
ppl who lack emotional permanence need constant reassurance and validation, but that confirmation eventually wears off…their mind convinces them to reject the reassurance and bc they can’t recreate that feeling on their own, the cycle begins again
this often stems from a fear of abandonment instilled in early childhood
even something as simple as a change in their partner’s tone can trigger an intense emotional response that mimics the original pain they felt,,,it feels so real, they revert to survival coping mechanisms
even something as simple as a change in their partner’s tone can trigger an intense emotional response that mimics the original pain they felt,,,it feels so real, they revert to survival coping mechanisms
emotional permanence is personal and situational, so the behaviors exhibited vary from person to person (some examples are pictured below)
once these raw, child-like emotions subside, people often feel ashamed of their reaction, causing guilt and self-blame… they feel as if they’ve been “unreasonable” or “immature”, but it is not their fault!! they were simply reacting to repressed or emotional trauma
a person’s attachment style can be one of the main reasons for this behavior (this is a whole other topic lol) in the first 2yrs of life, we learn that our caregivers are both a source of love/support and a separate individual who can leave at any time, but they usually come back
we create an internalized image of what love and care should look like; we learn absence does not mean abandonment
but if a child can’t trust that their caregiver will come back, their temporary distance feels the same as complete disappearance
but if a child can’t trust that their caregiver will come back, their temporary distance feels the same as complete disappearance
possible causes also include: inconsistent time perception, emotional dysregulation, trauma, a chaotic upbringing, and more. poor emotional permanence can be associated with disorders such as BPD, Bipolar Disorder, and ADHD
people who struggle with this often deal with relationship problems bc of their constant need to question the relationship’s stability and validity...they recognize that their fears may be irrational, but to them, it’s their reality,,and they will do anything to feel safe again
the intensity of these feelings vary from person to person, but many of us have experienced the anxiety of abandonment in some capacity
so how can you heal? we must first accept life’s paradoxes and separate our fears from our reality- we don’t have to be so scared anymore
so how can you heal? we must first accept life’s paradoxes and separate our fears from our reality- we don’t have to be so scared anymore
our value doesn’t depend on the opinions of others! remember these feelings will pass! maintain healthy communication with those close to you and don’t hesitate to reach out, reconnect, and reassure yourself :,) if you still feel overwhelmed, its okay to seek therapy or treatment
if someone you’re close to often lacks emotional permanence, how can you help?
the most important thing you can do is to be there for them! provide the validation and reassurance that they crave and help ease their mind! it may be tedious or redundant, but anything helps
the most important thing you can do is to be there for them! provide the validation and reassurance that they crave and help ease their mind! it may be tedious or redundant, but anything helps
they understand that this can be emotionally draining, so don’t be afraid to let them know if you start feeling overwhelmed!! and remember, their doubt is not your fault! you have not failed them! just because they question your love, it doesn’t mean that they love you any less.
if you made to the end, thanks for reading! :D
i am still learning every day so if you have any other info, advice, or experiences to add, please feel free to do so!! <3 (also don’t make fun of my lil drawings lmaooo)
- a psych major with an overflowing brain
i am still learning every day so if you have any other info, advice, or experiences to add, please feel free to do so!! <3 (also don’t make fun of my lil drawings lmaooo)
- a psych major with an overflowing brain
