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Asperger discovery, a way too honest and messy thread.
This is my 3rd day since I understood I have Asperger& #39;s syndrome and a lot has happened emotionally for me. I thought sharing it here could help me.
This is my 3rd day since I understood I have Asperger& #39;s syndrome and a lot has happened emotionally for me. I thought sharing it here could help me.
The first day was mostly joyous. Relief to have finally found out what was going on with me. I was also amused to realize that I had always felt jealous of autistic characters because they had something special. Actually it& #39;s probably just because they were diagnosed and helped.
I wanted people to see that I am special too so I could be helped but how could that happen when trying at the same time to seem normal? I don& #39;t want to be seen as having a problem when I feel smarter than 95% of the population. I said & #39;feel& #39;, intelligence is not linear.
I used to hate human beings, they fight, they destroy the planet, they kill, they lie and they don& #39;t see me. The lucky little girl I was had a lot of cats and that definitely helped me a lot with my consternation and frustration. Dismayed little girl, that was me.
I& #39;ve been exploring emotions for 2 years and I don& #39;t hate anymore, I just see most human beings as immature beings, just like our society. Am I too honest here?
I also found very mature ones, that was a relief. I have a family now, first time I& #39;m feeling safe around people.
I also found very mature ones, that was a relief. I have a family now, first time I& #39;m feeling safe around people.
But today I feel depressed and my brain is analyzing all my thoughts and behaviors to compare it with the new data and I& #39;m exhausted. It& #39;s not going to stop. I& #39;m rebooting my hardware, it& #39;s a long process.
You should try too, we& #39;re all full of old inaccurate narratives.
You should try too, we& #39;re all full of old inaccurate narratives.
There is also the idea that now I& #39;m done. I know what I have so my improvement perspective is not the same anymore. I& #39;m going to be anxious and thinking too much all my life. I& #39;m so tired. And I want a cat so badly but my flatmate is allergic. Allergies shouldn& #39;t exist.
Is this despair? I think it is.
I& #39;m lucky though, I& #39;ve done a great job so far, studying a Master, traveling everywhere, changing my job to have one I love and that allows me the freedom I need.
And that& #39;s the thing, I& #39;ll be doing great and I know it but I& #39;m just sooo tired.
I& #39;m lucky though, I& #39;ve done a great job so far, studying a Master, traveling everywhere, changing my job to have one I love and that allows me the freedom I need.
And that& #39;s the thing, I& #39;ll be doing great and I know it but I& #39;m just sooo tired.
How can I ask for help when I know I& #39;ll be doing great? I& #39;m so bad at it. I always feel like I need excuses because what& #39;s happening is never enough to be taken seriously. I have the belief that people will never believe me when I say that I& #39;m tired.
The truth is they& #39;ll never know what I feel, they& #39;ll never know how exhausted I am.
Please cut the BS when someone tells you they& #39;re tired. Most of the time they probably just want to be taken care of.
Please cut the BS when someone tells you they& #39;re tired. Most of the time they probably just want to be taken care of.
I& #39;ll stop here without any logic. That felt good to write, thanks for reading. I& #39;ll go get sweet if I can& #39;t have a cat.
Actually can you all please read Non-violent Communication so you know how to answer to this kind of things before commenting? I know it& #39;s asking too much but I swear we would all be so much happier.
