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Asperger discovery, a way too honest and messy thread.
This is my 3rd day since I understood I have Asperger's syndrome and a lot has happened emotionally for me. I thought sharing it here could help me.
This is my 3rd day since I understood I have Asperger's syndrome and a lot has happened emotionally for me. I thought sharing it here could help me.
The first day was mostly joyous. Relief to have finally found out what was going on with me. I was also amused to realize that I had always felt jealous of autistic characters because they had something special. Actually it's probably just because they were diagnosed and helped.
I wanted people to see that I am special too so I could be helped but how could that happen when trying at the same time to seem normal? I don't want to be seen as having a problem when I feel smarter than 95% of the population. I said 'feel', intelligence is not linear.
I used to hate human beings, they fight, they destroy the planet, they kill, they lie and they don't see me. The lucky little girl I was had a lot of cats and that definitely helped me a lot with my consternation and frustration. Dismayed little girl, that was me.
I've been exploring emotions for 2 years and I don't hate anymore, I just see most human beings as immature beings, just like our society. Am I too honest here?
I also found very mature ones, that was a relief. I have a family now, first time I'm feeling safe around people.
I also found very mature ones, that was a relief. I have a family now, first time I'm feeling safe around people.
But today I feel depressed and my brain is analyzing all my thoughts and behaviors to compare it with the new data and I'm exhausted. It's not going to stop. I'm rebooting my hardware, it's a long process.
You should try too, we're all full of old inaccurate narratives.
You should try too, we're all full of old inaccurate narratives.
There is also the idea that now I'm done. I know what I have so my improvement perspective is not the same anymore. I'm going to be anxious and thinking too much all my life. I'm so tired. And I want a cat so badly but my flatmate is allergic. Allergies shouldn't exist.
Is this despair? I think it is.
I'm lucky though, I've done a great job so far, studying a Master, traveling everywhere, changing my job to have one I love and that allows me the freedom I need.
And that's the thing, I'll be doing great and I know it but I'm just sooo tired.
I'm lucky though, I've done a great job so far, studying a Master, traveling everywhere, changing my job to have one I love and that allows me the freedom I need.
And that's the thing, I'll be doing great and I know it but I'm just sooo tired.
How can I ask for help when I know I'll be doing great? I'm so bad at it. I always feel like I need excuses because what's happening is never enough to be taken seriously. I have the belief that people will never believe me when I say that I'm tired.
The truth is they'll never know what I feel, they'll never know how exhausted I am.
Please cut the BS when someone tells you they're tired. Most of the time they probably just want to be taken care of.
Please cut the BS when someone tells you they're tired. Most of the time they probably just want to be taken care of.
I'll stop here without any logic. That felt good to write, thanks for reading. I'll go get sweet if I can't have a cat.
Actually can you all please read Non-violent Communication so you know how to answer to this kind of things before commenting? I know it's asking too much but I swear we would all be so much happier.
