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tw groping, CSA, etc
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you might be wondering at this point, where do all these men get it from, these predatory tendencies, their warped sense of consent and the corrupt idea of sexual relationships. I'll tell part of that story, this is commonly known to most men in Malé.
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you might be wondering at this point, where do all these men get it from, these predatory tendencies, their warped sense of consent and the corrupt idea of sexual relationships. I'll tell part of that story, this is commonly known to most men in Malé.
around grade 6-7 in primary school, guys started grabbing each other's crotch, yelling 'މޮޑެލީ' while groping one another, with the goal of inducing an erection. it was both bullying and 'bonding' rolled into one, if you could handle it, you fit in. if you couldn't, you're prey.
'handling it' here means you don't complain about it to a teacher or parent, and often immediately return the attack, so by that point you're part of it and you can't snitch without outing yourself too.
this was taught to 13 year olds, by the upper grades, 2-4 years older than them. teachers knew it was happening. kids would complain occasionally, but this was done in plain sight, broad daylight, during assemblies, while walking to a class, during interval, etc.
the lesson here was don't snitch, and that groping isn't such a big deal, and that silence or revenge, is consent. this is what got wordlessly drummed into us, and I knew it was happening in other schools too because it would happen everywhere school boys were.
so much violent shit took place in dharumavantha and majeediyya schools back then, and I've no clue how much better or worse it got after I left the country, mainly to avoid these people, but I know it had been going on for years and nobody did anything about it, it got buried.
there were kids coming to school wearing multiple layers of underwear to avoid this, only to be made fun of for wearing 'tights'. some kids just gave up and let it happen, but never did it to others themselves, which made them permanent prey. then they started justifying it.
"if we pray later today, it'll probably erase that sin, and we can keep doing it". religious leaders here often tout this exact, simple idea, so if a 14yo can come up with it, and sheikh's say it too, it must be a sensible and viable tactic right, sin, pray away the sin, repeat.
this is how boys are taught that groping is ok, that sexual assault is no big deal, and consent is malleable. this is what they went on to do to girls. teachers knew about this and did nothing. they actually tell us in class the things they've witnessed.
one teacher told us during class how he went to a kids home once and the parents let him in, and there was a group of boys and a girl watching porn on a TV. and he did nothing, he told us he did nothing, cause he was a foreign teacher was his excuse.
much of this sexual assault and harassment spilled over from students on to teachers as well, the boys would objectify women and grope the men, daring them to do anything at all. by then, the older students they were 'friends' with that originally groped them, were gangsters.
and this was in a time where telling someone you know a gangster, is a threat of violence. this was the toxic soup that boys in Malé grew up in. when I got the chance to leave the country, I took it immediately, no hesitation, didn't say goodbye to anyone in person.
my privilege was to escape all that and experience what life was like in Lanka, where schools weren't segregated by gender and Islam wasn't as extreme. the difference in how boys thought and behaved there was staggering. there were still gangs, and violence, and sexual assault,
but it was not justified through the lens of religion anymore, it is easier to tell what is right and what is wrong when no one is actively doing something wrong to you and brushing it off as no big deal.
to live in Malé is to be gaslighted by everyone, constantly, 'why are you too holy to join in the fun, everyone else is doing it? asshole'
men 5+ years older than us would find our emails, talk to us on various early social media, there were USB pen drives full of hardcore porn being passed around from older students to younger students, normalize their way of thinking to us,
recruiting us, into their glorified gangs. teachers knew all about this, and did nothing. probably because they were underpaid and afraid? who knows. but we're still seeing the effects of that negligence and grooming today. this was just 2006-2008.
