AU where lqr is the cool uncle

so in mdzs it's canon that there's, like, eligible bachelor rankings, and that clearly went badly for the sunshot generation (#1 in seclusion, #2 and #4 married to each other, #3 dead, #5 blacklisted) so maybe the people who did that decide to do something more fun and harmless

uncle rankings! that's wholesome, right? who could object

as it turns out: almost everyone from the sunshot generation, when great-uncle lan qiren wins by a country mile

let's be real, lqr is 100% the uncle equivalent of the "nightmare for the kids, absolute cinnamon roll for the grandkids" parenting style

the juniors ADORE him! sure, he's very serious in class, but he also teaches them how to use their magic guqins to have snowball fights or something

so i mentioned this to @wilderswans and @qinghedumpster and they immediately said something brilliant, which is that lqr is absolutely The Dad Who Says No To Pets (And Then Loves The Pet More Than He Loves You)

lqr to lxc and lwj: no pets
lqr to ljy: you found a stray dog? dogs are allowed at the cloud recesses. put it on the wall

just imagine... lqr falling asleep on his very tasteful divan with a dog sleeping on top of him...

lwj, who has maintained a pointed silence on the rabbit population of the back hill for 16 yeras and isn't breaking it now, doesn't really engage with this nonsense

meanwhile lxc is absolutely SEETHING with jealousy

the absolute unrighteousness of it all!

one time he overhears a junior saying how lucky the twin jades must've been to be raised by lqr, the least strict teacher in the cloud recesses, and nearly qi deviates on the spot

lwj very sensibly cultivates the "nod politely and then just do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway" path,

okay just... a thought/addendum

i don't remember who said it but someone, somewhere, was like, "what if lqr was gay but looked around at the cultivators of his generation (jfm, wrh, jgs) and was like No Thanks"

wELL

given this extremely thotty photoshoot of young huang ziteng

i propose: lqr had torrid hookups with All Of Them

yet another reason lqr was so pissed at qhj (as if we need more reasons to think qhj ain't shit): lqr was forced to hang up his assless chaps and become a very serious and somber and publicly celibate scholar in order to keep the sect together

every male cultivator of that generation: what the FUCK just happened

the real reason lqr becomes the chill uncle? jgs, the last living person who remembers lqr's thot days, finally dies. at last, he can fucking RELAX

so this thread took off uhhh please feel free to follow me, and if you want to help fund my caffeine addiction you can do that here: https://ko-fi.com/jelenedra