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it& #39;s 3 in the morning but i& #39;m thinking about how i& #39;ve been seeing a sudden resurgence in qpr hate so this is mio here saying i hope all y& #39;all in queerplatonic relationships have a fantastic day because you deserve the world
"that& #39;s just called a friendship sweetie :)" man if we& #39;re being honest with ourselves it& #39;s really not my guy there& #39;s specific and tangible differences in the angles you come at a qpr with vs. deep friendships / best friendships
both are emotionally intimate and incredibly valuable to people but they& #39;re different types of relationships and on a certain level may have definitions that vary from person to person (but in a way that does not invalidate the existence of a qpr)
(which is to say that goes into a qpr for one person may also be something that goes into a deep friendship for another person, but that doesn& #39;t mean that the original qpr is a friendship, because there& #39;s other dimensions to it defined on a personal basis)
mmm or maybe i& #39;m swinging around my point there but like someone in a qpr may consider cuddling an aspect of their relationship but just because you also cuddle with your friends doesn& #39;t mean that their qpr is """really""" a friendship
people also cuddle with their romantic partners!! does that mean your friendship is """actually""" a romantic relationship? of course not maybe you might say "no, because we don& #39;t do so and so" or even just "no, we& #39;re not" and guess what!! that& #39;s a valid answer!!
i am still swinging around my point but like maybe you feel different about your romantic partner as compared to your best friends maybe you feel almost entirely the same about either of them except that your life is more entwined with your partner& #39;s it& #39;s a personal basis
and what we& #39;re trying to get at here is that qprs are, of course, defined on a personal basis, but also differ from both friendships and romantic relationships on a fundamental level that is primarily felt and defined by the parties involved
and i guess i also just ought to bring in the fact that ace and aro people experience attraction―romantic or otherwise―in different ways from other identities, and that& #39;s up to them to navigate as they see fit
like how you probably can& #39;t fully imagine what it& #39;d be like to be a different gender or be in a relationship with someone outside of your preferences (it& #39;s more than just "what if my partner were X instead"), you might not be able to imagine what it& #39;s like to be in a qpr
and like beyond all of that ace or aro or queer people literally do not owe you an explanation for how they use a term within their own community and do not need your permission or approval to do so
if qpr is a helpful term for someone and helps them encapsulate and communicate their relationship, honestly ask yourself what& #39;s the problem with that a person who you do not know assigning a single personally helpful term to their personal relationship with a partner
i mean i probably know what your problem is with it and i honestly implore you to reexamine where those feelings are coming from, especially if you can& #39;t trace them beyond "that& #39;s so stupid"
anyway this started as a positivity boost and ended as a bit of an ill-thought out informative thread but i hope y& #39;all are doing well and staying safe yeehaw
i understand what i want to say (being someone in a qpr myself) but i feel like it& #39;s hard to communicate when so much of it is just a feeling?? a vague added dimension of intimacy that changes the entire feel of the relationship??
like personally my definition of a best friend doesn& #39;t include "plans a life together / puts each other above all else / physically intimate / frequent and extended time together / intense emotional openness", or at least not nearly on the scale i experience with my partner
i guess another way of putting it is if my best friend started seeing someone in a romantic way, it would not affect me in the slightest (beyond maybe seeing them less often) but if my partner started seeing someone, i& #39;d probably be heartbroken hh
and i don& #39;t say this in possessive context (like "mm my partner cannot have friends or see people other than me mm" like god no) but in a "we& #39;re in a committed relationship and you just Don& #39;t Get Romantically Involved With Someone Else While You& #39;re Still In A Relationship™"
there& #39;s just , , , , , a certain feeling or set of feelings in there that very much separates my relationship with my partner from my relationships with my best friends
my best friends?? i am always happy to see, talking to them feels like coming home, love them to death, would probably hug 10 million times if possible but if they ended up in their own relationship, that would not affect my relationship with them
whoops this thread got even longer whoops
