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Watching #indianmatchmaker this weekend made me realise that I've learned a lot more about my culture by marrying outside my race.
I've had to provide explanations on the things we do (badly I might add) and in doing so I questioned my own understanding and belief system.
I've had to provide explanations on the things we do (badly I might add) and in doing so I questioned my own understanding and belief system.
My parents were never very active in the religious community and preferred the stance of a more personal relationship with spirituality. To that end, I never attended any religious classes or got involved in the weekly prayers at the temple on our road.
I was raised by a village with differences in manner of faith, caste and skin colour. As my mom was working full time, I spent hours after school in different houses - Gujurati, Hindi, Tamil, Telegu - I had no idea that there was any difference in Indian culture/caste system
As I went to high school, I became more aware of the (in my mind) bullshit differences between castes and culture. I did not understand why some people would say "Oh she's a Singh" like that meant I had some untenable magic in me. I don't. I wish.
In Uni I met a cutey and we dated for 5 years. My mother pressured us into marrying because I was heading to 23, we were together for so long, and apparently I needed to be taken care of. He caved and proposed, I accepted and knew it was a mistake.
To be honest, I was KAK terrified of his traditional Tamil mom as I knew that I wouldn't be able to fulfill the duties that a first daughter-in-law would perform. I wanted to break all the rules and live together before we got married. This didn't fly. We ended it.
So then I made the bold decision to date a white guy. I was on the outside anyway -fuckit.
My mom voiced her concern to her bestie (also white) around the significant cultural differences we would have to overcome. She lost that friendship for 10 years.
My mom voiced her concern to her bestie (also white) around the significant cultural differences we would have to overcome. She lost that friendship for 10 years.
I've been with said white guy for 12 years now.
In the beginning, I suppressed anything about my culture. I needed to run away from it.
Suddenly I became an adult and I started to appreciate my heritage, I saw it with a new perspective.
In the beginning, I suppressed anything about my culture. I needed to run away from it.
Suddenly I became an adult and I started to appreciate my heritage, I saw it with a new perspective.
When you have to explain in minutia the things you've witnessed and take for granted, it is such a sweet journey to discovery.
Why do we drop water so many times? I don't know. I do know that my husband now goes to weddings with whiskey in his boot.
Why do we drop water so many times? I don't know. I do know that my husband now goes to weddings with whiskey in his boot.
