This might sound crazy but I feel like I’m the only one that understands myself. I have a lot of moments where I feel alone, which triggers a lot of my breakdowns and uncontrollable crying but I can never calm down unless I talk to myself like ACTUALLY talk to myself-

I mean I’d reach out to people I feel might help but it never does and when I get into the dark parts of my mind the only way I know how to get out of it is to calm myself down by letting myself know I’m going to be okay but I can’t get to that part of my breakdown unless-

I talk down on myself, like for example I’d say “I’ll never be good enough”, “no one will ever understand me” or “I’m a disappointment”....there’s been so many nights where I’d just want to end everything and it truly does scare me sometimes-

But I can’t rely on anyone to get me out of that deep thought besides myself. I’d cry for hours to where I’d give myself the worst headache and my eyes are bloodshot red, it’s horrible.

I know I’ve gotten worst over time but talking to myself really does help me a lot.

I don’t know exactly why I decided to put this on here but I just feel so alone and I guess in a way this helps me. I just hate putting on a front to show everyone I’m okay when really I’m battling so much in my mind and I just don’t know how to talk about it to anyone.

This isn’t me crying out for help because I’m at the point where I can only help myself. If anything I’m 100% sure I’m going to delete this thread later but feeling like I got something off of my chest helps me feel just a little better than before.