beloveds, I am not cis x
I identify with being a woman but I also am more than that. I don’t think I’ve found the language for it yet, and hopefully one day I will. Decolonising gender looks like trying to find what I’d call myself and experience in my language.

Which is hard because we lost so much. Bigender felt right in my late teens, but it also didn’t feel whole. There’s more to it.

Feel free to call me a woman or nonbinary. But know, I am more than that. A lot of us are still searching for our names x I still am x

Gender is scary and weird and wonderful. But I mostly feel sad, because the language we had, to name ourselves, to name our bodies, to name the feeling of being more than mere colonial terms, is hard to find, but I’m hopeful it’ll find me one day x

My pronouns, they/them and she/her, have always been in my bio. I personally consistently have referred to myself with both, but mostly they. Please respect that.

To publishing places, who have consistently pulled me up about they in my bios, they is my pronoun. Respect that.

I wanna talk about how folks painted me and other Black girls as men and manly, and it’s contribution to my confusion. About how kinky hair was manly & so was my body type, just because I was strong. The affects this has in Black girls is saddening.

I refused to acknowledge my own experience in this world because of it. I denied my right to express myself, because there was already a anti-black and transphobic perception of Black women that existed.

These perceptions exist today. Darkskin women are affected the most by this.

I truly wonder, if folks weren’t anti-Black or transphobic, how many folks would be living their truths. How many folks would be comfortable in talking about their gender.

but, that’s all I’m comfortable with sharing.

I’m a woman but I’m more than that and one day, I will have a name/names for this, that will make me feel whole x

Didn’t realise the conversations I’d have after this lil rant. honestly feels like coming out again. So thank you for reading and being kind.

I’ve always identified as not being cis, but I hardly ever talk about gender here, just because I really don’t have the words to describe the full scope of how I feel. Comforting to be reminded that I am not alone x