Okay I'm staving off some Sunday Scaries so let's go ahead and beat this bad boy out.

Presenting:

Cool to be Kind, a rom-com starring @RealRichardKind and @JENCOOLIDGE https://twitter.com/JasonAdamK/status/1282750954937384961

We open on Frogger: The Movie. Emma Stone stars as a veterinarian who befriends an injured CGI frog (Josh Gad), and teams up with a hunky but difficult long-haul trucker (Ryan Reynolds) to help him cross a busy interstate before his family goes on the Great Migration without him.

But this isn’t Frogger: The Movie. It’s the movie’s Hollywood premiere. In attendance are beloved character actors Richard Kind and Jennifer Coolidge (Jen plays the trucker’s ditzy dispatcher and Richard plays an impatient pet owner who steals a scene at the vet’s office).

The movie ends, and the cast goes to Craig’s for the afterparty. Everyone comes up to Jen to tell her how much they loved the scene where she inadvertently flirts with the frog over HAM radio, and Jen politely smiles and thanks them.

Jennifer’s agent approaches and says an offer just came in- “April Showers”, a rom com. She’d be playing the receptionist at the female lead’s florist shop (her character is always pitching erotic floral arrangements and getting shot down). Jen agrees to read the script.

She’s about to leave when Richard approaches with boxes of appetizers tucked under his arm (“can you believe they were going to throw away so much perfectly good egg salad? You want some?” She declines. “Suit yourself”).

Richard and Jen commiserate over the fact that while they’re the highlight of every movie they’re in, they’re never the stars. Richard shrugs and grabs a crab cake from a passing waiter. “C’est la vie”.

That night, Jen has a dream- it’s the trailer for a romcom, and she’s in it. Only this time, she’s not the main character’s wicked stepmother or quippy nail technician. In this movie, she’s the star. And the male lead is—

Richard Kind and Jennifer Coolidge sit in a 24-hour diner. Richard eats soup. “A romcom?” He asks between large glarps. “You and me?” She nods. “You said it yourself- we’re the best part of every movie we’re in!” He shrugs. “I’ve got a few months”.

The next day, Jen calls her agent and says she’ll do the movie, but she doesn’t want to play the receptionist- she wants to play the female lead. And she wants Richard Kind to play her love interest.

Jen’s agent says she isn’t so sure—Jen is known for her supporting roles! And Richard Kind is Richard Kind! It’s a fun idea but... who's gonna go for it?

Jen is demoralized. She goes home and turns on TV. Legally Blonde is on Bravo. She’s about to flip past it, but then she hears herself give Reese Witherspoon the advice to fight back. She gets an idea and picks up the phone. “Hello, Reese? I need a favor…”

The next day, Twitter is buzzing: Reese Witherspoon tweeted a rumor she’s heard about a new romcom starring Jennifer Coolidge and Richard Kind. They’re both the best part of any movie they’re in! Everyone is excited.

Amidst the buzz, Jennifer’s agent calls her. “Well, you got your wish. I hope you’re happy.”

The plot of “April Showers” is that April, a happy-go-lucky florist, is hired to do the floral arrangements for the wedding of Sam and Madison, a self-obsessed Instagram model.

This is huge for April’s fledgling flower business- after all, Madison (played by Zendaya) has millions of followers! But then April falls for Sam, who is sweet and down to earth and recognizes the lyrics from April's Coldplay tattoo.

Madison shows her true colors during the wedding and Sam realizes he has feelings for April as well. He calls off the wedding and the moment goes viral. April's business is a success and there's room for a sequel.

Richard arrives on set and has a few… notes. First off, he doesn’t like Coldplay. Could Sam and April bond over Paul Anka?

Second, he doesn’t buy the scene where Sam says he doesn’t care what kind of cake he and Madison have at their wedding. “The only kind of cake I like is a Carvel Fudgy the Whale”.

Jen reluctantly agrees to make sure the cake is SOME kind of whale shape. But it's pretty clear that Richard isn't going to make it easy to prove that the two of them alone can anchor a romcom.

As filming goes on, Jen and Richard continue to butt heads. They can’t agree on anything! Maybe this whole rom com thing WAS a mistake. Jen goes to a local dive bar (they’re filming in North Carolina) to take a break from set.

It’s karaoke night! Jen has a few shots with the locals and is eventually cajoled into getting up and singing. She chooses her go-to karaoke song: “Puppy Love” by Paul Anka.

Richard enters just in time to see Jen sing. She finishes to wild applause, and is shocked to see Richard watching her. "I didn't know you liked Paul Anka", he says. He asks if he can buy her a drink ("but something from the well.")

Richard and Jen have a great night. They end up duetting on "Don't Go Breaking My Heart". The whole bar sings along and cheers them on.

They stumble back to the hotel, and as they say goodbye, there's a brief moment when it seems like they might... just... kiss....

but just then, Zendaya stops them. "Rich?" she asks. "The fuck is this?!"

Jen is shocked. She didn't know Richard Kind and Zendaya were involved.

Richard runs after Zendaya to apologize, leaving Jen in a daze. She goes up to her hotel room and calls Reese Witherspoon. Jen thinks maybe she should call it quits on this whole rom com thing.

Reese tells Jen she can't give up- she sends her a video of a young character actress doing an impression of Jen's Best In Show character. Jen realizes she needs to prove to her that she can be a leading lady too.

Things are awkward on set the next day but Jen pushes through, newly driven to make this work. Richard tries to apologize but Jen won't hear it.

Richard: Jen, please let me explain--
Jen: Richard, stop. We're the best part of everything we're in... except a relationship with each other.

At last, it's time to film the wedding scene. Things are going smoothly, if awkwardly... but as Richard is reciting the speech where Sam confesses his love for April, it becomes clear he's really talking about Jen and himself.

They finish filming the scene and Richard tells Jen he meant what he said. Jen tells Richard to give it up- if life is a rom com, she isn't the lead. Shooting wraps and they go home.

There is a montage of Jen and Richard back in LA. Jen strolling alone. Richard pensively eating a ruben in bed next to a sleeping Zendaya.

Finally, the night of the movie premiere rolls around. But Jennifer isn't going. She watches the red carpet coverage alone on TV. On the red carpet, Richard and Zendaya announce their engagement.

Just then, the doorbell rings. Jen opens it: standing there are Emma Stone, Reese Witherspoon, Hillary Duff, Kat Dennings, and Jason Biggs.

"You supported us," says Hillary Duff. "Now let us support you."

They help Jen get ready and get her into a limo, racing against traffic to get her to the premiere (Jane Lynch has a cameo as the limo driver).

Jennifer arrives on the red carpet and is caught in a whirlwind of paparazzi flashes. She tries to talk to Richard, but the movie starts.

Jen sits outside the movie theater, knowing that inside, the movie is crystalizing Richard Kind and Zendaya's sizzling on screen chemistry for generations to come.

Suddenly a young girl approaches. Jen recognizes her- the character actress from the video Reese sent her.

"Ms. Coolidge? I just wanted to say- it is so cool to see you starring in a movie of your own. It makes me think I can be the leading lady of my own life as well."

From inside, Jen can hear the final scene of April Showers-- Richard's wedding speech. "The leading lady," she says. "You're goddamn right."

Jen bursts into the theater. Everyone turns to look. She recites Sam's speech along with the on-screen Richard, locking eyes with Richard as she does.

The speech ends.

Richard: I don't know what to say.
Zendaya (gently): I think you do.

Richard and Jen stare at each other.

Jen: I want you as my leading man, Richard.
Richard: But I'm just a funny cameo!
Jen: Maybe. But you've stolen the scene and my heart.

Richard and Jen are just about to kiss when suddenly- Ryan Reynolds stands up! Jen's words have inspired him to confess his love to someone, too-- he tells Emma Stone that he's sorry he lied about the birthday party, but he loves her.

She forgives him and references a funny inside joke that they have. They kiss.

The movie ends at their wedding. Richard and Jen watch their first dance- to "Puppy Love" by Paul Anka.

Jen: Well... we tried.
Richard: We'll get 'em next time.

A caterer walks by with a tray of knishes. Richard follows it off screen as Jennifer sighs.

END OF MOVIE.