it is a matter of urgency that queers develop a lexicon for talking among ourselves about the sexual entitlement of especially cis gay men and how this manifests along a spectrum from mishandling sexual rejection to sexual assault. (read this thread carefully + generously) /1

with a few notable exceptions, cis gay men have largely been unmoved by the mainstreaming of feminist action on an epidemic of sexual assault perpetrated by men. gay men have been reluctant to challenge their own complicity in rape culture - complicity which is widespread /2

i don't wish to list in detail how this specifically manifests amongst queer men but it includes sexual entitlement in the way that gay men interact with other people on hook-up apps, sexual assault, catfishing, date rape, and revenge porn. some of these are sadly routinised /3

in my opinion, there has been a failure to extensively model feminist reckonings about sexual assault within queer politics - to develop a language for talking about this *intra-*community - for a number of reasons. these include: (1) the widespread complicity with /4

rape culture and a culture of sexual entitlement (2) the fact that "gay identity" immunises many cis gay men from interrogating the way they function as an axis of patriarchy (3) concerns about appearing "sex negative" given the threat this poses to queer life /5

and (4) most crucially, the historical collapse/conflation of homosexuality/queerness *with* predation, which makes sensitive and serious conversations about predatory behaviour among queers difficult to have without revivifying harmful tropes that warm judgement. /6

indeed, i myself am concerned that by writing this thread i will invite certain people to comment on the threat of e.g. "gay male hypersexuality", "sex obsession" or the specific dangers of chemsex. i want to be clear: broad brush-strokes like this do nothing but paint an /7

age-old portrait of queers as a threat to society, each other, and to themselves. it is absolutely essential that we are able to develop a vocabulary for discussing consent within the queer community that simultaneously challenges sexual entitlement whilst championing the /8

sexual expression and sexual cultures (that often to mainstream society appear hedonistic, excessive or 'dangerous') that have borne much of what we value today about queerness *and* which continues to be a valuable source of intimacy, pleasure, and, crucially, *fun* /9

the long and short of it is: cis gay men especially (but not solely) do a lot of terrible things to other queer people that have become banalised that we need to be able to challenge without undermining what is valuable, joyous and connecting about queer sex. /end