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So almost exactly one year ago I broke up with a girl whom I shared love with. And 8 months before that I broke away from a relationship with two very close friends of mine from high school. I thought I did the right thing and my family supported me. Since the day I broke up...
...with her I have been trying to understand what makes me want to leave people. Because it wasn& #39;t just with those 3 people. I feel like I have broken away from everyone in my life. I hardly talk to my friends and I am near apathetic with my family. I didn& #39;t understand why...
...in my heart it felt right to be alone. Even when I was a kid in elementary school I just felt better off alone. We moved around a lot but I refused to believe that it was the reason why I found it hard to keep my relationships. It didn& #39;t click with me for a whole year until...
...The pandemic struck and I was forced to shut myself indoors. I started playing Persona 3 and watched everyone in this country go crazy all in the name of BLM. I saw the riots and the killing and all the other controversial crap as of late. Suddenly I wasn& #39;t thinking about...
...The tournaments I wanted to compete in or the things I wanted to achieve academically or even what my dreams were. All I cared about was people. All I wanted to do was teach people the importance of right and wrong, the value of patience, understanding what courage is...
...And especially knowing when to use that wisdom. Knowing when to use that wisdom is a line I want to have attention because it relates so much to myself. I like to think I& #39;ve effected many lives for the better. A big reason as to why is because they tell me but also because...
...I believe myself to be a wild card. Someone who can adopt a new personality on the fly like it& #39;s a jacket, or a pair of shoes. I don& #39;t believe this because I& #39;m an obsessive persona fan. I believe this because it& #39;s how I& #39;ve lived my life. Going back to relationship struggles...
...on the occasions where people wanted to talk to me I would put on a mask. It would usually be of whatever game protagonist I had in mind at the time. When I started making friends I wondered why they liked the person I was portraying. People knew who Sonic and Shadow were...
...but they it didn& #39;t seem like they knew I was grabbing pieces of their personality and adding them to my own. Eventually it got to the point where I had to draw a mask from an RPG character. Specifically my DCUO character. I didn& #39;t know exactly how to portray my villain so...
...I acted with extreme seriousness and built a story for that character based around the experiences I& #39;ve had with people in the game in order to draw from him. See the paradox? I was unknowingly drawing a brand new personality for myself based on my actual personality...
...I succeeded in making the mask but it felt strange. I didn& #39;t feel like my character. I felt like my character was me. So I thought, "What if I changed him? Would he still be me?" Biggest mental conclusion of my adolescent life. I knew what it meant to be free before I even...
...got to high school! I was so excited to share this with everyone I knew at the time and then poof we moved again. The summer before I started high school we moved again. We moved away from everyone and not only that but the people I was online with disappeared. I was alone...
...Before I started high school in a brand new city I was completely and irrefutably alone. I didn& #39;t know what to do once I started high school as a complete nobody so I started analyzing everyone around me to prepare new personalities.
What I didn& #39;t account for was how...
What I didn& #39;t account for was how...
... involved I was in the lives of the people I drew masks from. I learned about relationships, friendships, bullies, idiots, outcasts, popularity, jocks, and every other personality you could think of. Suddenly I wasn& #39;t just understanding what makes a jock...
...I was living among them. I wasn& #39;t just listening to the suicidal kid, I was wondering what made life so valuable with him. Once I became a sophomore I fully understood how I am able to draw new masks. It& #39;s because they are a part of me. Interchangeable yes, but separate no...
...understanding my personality is actually many pieces which make a whole is what helped me create so many relationships with differing peoples. The thing is, I never felt tied down to a certain group. I hung out with my gamer friends more than anyone else but I felt like...
...an outcast whenever I stood next to them. I was conflicted. Why do I feel like an outcast everywhere I go but still be able to fit in? I was happy knowing many people trusted in me, but I never allowed myself to have trust in others. I focused solely on understanding others...
...so much to the point where I forgot who I was. I didn& #39;t trust others to understand my personality so I never gave them a chance until I talked with three very intelligent people. The three people that started this whole thread that I& #39;ll be turning into a twit longer...
...I lost myself amidst the crowd of personalities I had stocked in my brain. I had met two very important people back to back at this point of my life. They were and probably still are polar opposites to each other. One pursued knowledge and the other craved understanding...
...These two were my best friends for nearly 4 years. I spent every day with them. Every other relationship I had faded away until it was just these two people. One who represented understanding of character. The other represented the reasoning which creates a character...
...In other words they were judge and jury which meant I was the executioner. Mindlessly carrying out whatever they have concluded based on what was understood as factual. Truly brilliant problem solving. The thing is the two of them worked together to judge personality...
...personality I knew was interchangeable and ever expanding on. How can you put a title on something so free using logic and reasoning? I knew the judgements they made on others were true but it& #39;s not the whole truth. No one personality will make a person. Nuance exists...
...I decided to trust them to understand these nuances by showing them the person I was and telling them my experiences. I hoped they would have seen that nobody is inherently bad or good. Instead it further proved their point because the only personalities I was drawing from...
...was the two of them. I& #39;m gonna delete this thread now and continue it on a note only I can read. This is inappropriate for social media.
