Spoke to an old friend today. Not much to say just a hello and thats about it. Felt weird ya know like they were you're close friend but maybe they weren't they were ub your friend group but I guess not your friend. Didn't hurt just felt empty I guess

Like I guess I cant be sad cause we weren't super close. But like I also can't be sad cause that's bad I'm bad if I'm sad. So I have to bottle those emotions and just live with em. You cant show or say them because then you're bad as well

You're a man you cant be sad or upset if you are then just stop it. You gotta be there for everyone else. Sometimes they're there for you but like not enough. So you bottle those up to. Eventually it gets so bad your rambling on twitter and delete in the morning

Just to bottle up those same emotions and push forward and pretend you're okay. You fill that void constantly because if you don't you could crack and that's bad because showing emotions is okay like once or twice a year. Only bad things happen when you show emotions

So you make excuses to yourself why you can't be sad like "they didn't know you that well anyway" or "they wanted to be near everyone but you" you beat yourself up in the process asking why wasn't I this or why wasn't I that. Just to find out they're are no answers

So you bottle up those questions and self hatred and pass it off as comedy by making fun of yourself if everyone else does so can I. I guess. You're afraid to say anything anywhere cause someone will see if and get on your case about it and be mad

So ignore this thread and I'll delete later after I wake up