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Tw // sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, emotional manipulation, toxic relationships, self harm, depression, panic attacks
I just want to tell a story, a story that even my closest friends didnt even know. It’s a story that i’ve been scared to talk about for years. It’s a story about a man who manipulates me.
Who makes me think that our relationship is perfectly normal and healthy.
There are a shit ton of red flags but im just too blind to see it
He’s my friend’s ex. He’s 2 years older than us. The three of us used to be really close but when the next year came around, my friend -
There are a shit ton of red flags but im just too blind to see it
He’s my friend’s ex. He’s 2 years older than us. The three of us used to be really close but when the next year came around, my friend -
Starts to distance herself from me and i dont know why. She blocked me on all my social media and i can’t talk to her at school. But when they broke up everything went back to normal. A few months after that, there were rumours that my friend has a s3x tap3 with her ex.
I didnt really think much about it because i know that it’s not my place to judge. My friend told me that he didn’t allow her to wear ‘revealing’ clothing. She must wear safety shorts and tank tops under her clothes.
A few months after they broke up, he reaches out to me again.
A few months after they broke up, he reaches out to me again.
Me being naive, thinks that he just wants to be friends. Everytime i asked why he broke up with my friend, he avoids the question. I didnt push the matter further but thats the first red flag.
Eventually we started to get closer. My summer camp to china rolls around
Eventually we started to get closer. My summer camp to china rolls around
During that time, we texted a lot and he calls me everyday. But things started to get weird and im just wah too blinded by his nice words. He wants me to show myself changing my clothes. I ended the call and we got into a fight. My cousin, who’s rooming with me saw it. She saw
My first panic attack in that relationship.
Tw// suicidal thoughts
That night, he keeps in reaching out to me but i ignored him. He texted me that he ran away from home (he has family issues) and that he wants to k!ll himself. He asked my best friend to cantact me and she did.
Tw// suicidal thoughts
That night, he keeps in reaching out to me but i ignored him. He texted me that he ran away from home (he has family issues) and that he wants to k!ll himself. He asked my best friend to cantact me and she did.
I forgave him things went back to normal for a few days. He then asked me to change in front of him again, and so i did from the pressure that we’ll fight again that the same thing will happen. Things escalated, he asked me to record myself taking a shower. Again, we fought but-
We made up. When u went back home, he surprised me with the help of my friend. And so we went put for lunch. After we ate, he asked if he can kiss me. I knew that it’ll happen sokner or later bcs he keeps on saying how much he wants to kiss me. I allowed him, thinking it was-
Just a innocent peck but he forced me to made out with him. After all that, he drives me home but when we arrived he asks me if i trust him. I said yes. He touched me that day.
The next day, we went out together. That’s the day i lost my virginity. In a mall carpark. I went to
The next day, we went out together. That’s the day i lost my virginity. In a mall carpark. I went to
The bathroom after that. I was bleeding but didnt mention anything to him. When i got back home he asks if im bleeding and i said yes. He asked me for proof but i wasnt bleeding anymore. And he keeps on saying on how im not a virgin and we got into a fight.
A lot of things happened, he pressured me into s3x, he records us (he pressured me to giving consent). He manipulates me to thinking that he’s broken and to thinking that j can help him. He asks me to not to talk to my friends. Even my closest of friends. Our school counselor
Told us to break up. I want to, i really want to but it wasnt easy. It wasnt easy when he manipulates me with his words.
“They just didnt want us together”
“We can hide this relationship”
And i believed him.
Tw// physical abuse
It was after this moment where things started to
“They just didnt want us together”
“We can hide this relationship”
And i believed him.
Tw// physical abuse
It was after this moment where things started to
be even worse. He knows all of my passwords, he know everything and everyone i talked to, he controls what i wear, what i do, everything.
If i didnt want to talk to him, he would grab my arm to tight the skin breaks and it bruised badly. I have p4n!c att4cks everyday.
If i didnt want to talk to him, he would grab my arm to tight the skin breaks and it bruised badly. I have p4n!c att4cks everyday.
I have a few at school, where i just cried and sob to my best friend and my closest teacher. Both me and my ex were close with that teacher.
She taught me things, she listens to me and gave me advice although i never mentioned anything about the s3xual abuse.
She taught me things, she listens to me and gave me advice although i never mentioned anything about the s3xual abuse.
I have panic attacks at home, where i would call one of my best friend and she tries to ground me. I never wanted to put her through that ever again. My friends knows about the emotional and physical abuse i went through but they cant do anything about it.
My grades are dropping, i have broken relationship everywhere even with my family. He manipulates me to thinking that he’s my priority over everyone else. Everytime i did something ‘wrong’ he ignores me until i beg for forgiveness even if i didnt do anything wrong and its his
fault. He would make me take these ‘punishments’ which is actually him guilt tripping me to record myself doing s3xu4l things and then blackmailing me with it. Things got really messy during christmas break.
It began a few days before the break. I was going to perform with my music elective buthe didnt allow it. He keeps on pestering me, forcing me to talk to him when he needs permission to (the counselor made this agreement). He asks the counselor to talk to me but i didnt want to
so she denied his request MULTIPLE TIMES. He finally caught me on top of the stairs. He grabbed me and forced to talked to him. Im bawling my eyes out asking him to leave me alone. I screamed and a few of his ex-classmates (he failed a year) saw and laughed. THEY LAUGHED AT ME.
It all end when my music teacher heard my screams from his classroom. He’s one of the father figures in my life, i’m very close with him as he’s one of my best friends’ father and stopped my ex. After school ends, my homeroom teacher asked if he can takes pictures of my bruises
I allowed him and i went home. The day of christmas break, everything collapsed. I wont go into detail as it is very triggering tk me and blocked most of the memories from this point in my life. We broke up, my phone was taken from me for months, i have a restraining order on him
That relationship lasted for 8 months but i wanted to k!ll myself more times that i can count. I know that if i cu7 myself people will notice so i scratched myself until it bled and blamed it on allergies.
It took a long time for me to heal from that and i still have nightmares about him. But atleast i’m getting better. I’m two years clean and i hope that it’ll last. I think this thread will help me grt some things off my chest:)
