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ok so i feel a little more comfortable sharing this, but a few days after this tweet i went to get checked and it turns out i have ADHD. more specifically, inattentive type ADHD. im just making this thread because it’s been heavy on my mind recently 
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quick history. 7th grade was the first time i thought i might have ADHD, but i was doing good in school so it was understandably ignored by my mom. i then had trouble with HW, studying, and focusing in HS but i was a good test taker so i made it through with decent grades.
keep in mind that although i had trouble with focusing and studying, i was pretty apathetic to the whole idea of our school system so i didn’t care enough to bring up these concerns. i did try to put in more effort in college but when i still couldn’t focus i just thought (cont.)
it was because i was stupid. i did still think i had ADHD, but i mainly thought i was stupid. my inattentiveness was happening outside of school too but again i kind of ignored it, especially because everyone around me would say that they too were inattentive.
i’d bring it up to friends some times, but it was always hard to explain. my best explanation was to say that my brain was like a race car with no steering wheel or brakes (i’ve now heard others say this), but other then small comments here and there i just didn’t talk about it.
things didn’t really start to worry me until i started working on something in college (that i guess i can now call my job). a couple months ago i realized that i started to grow very inattentive of it, and had trouble even starting my work most days. now we’re in the present.
school was one thing, but the business is important so i went to get diagnosed. after the diagnosis i started looking into the symptoms. i just wanted to get a little more educated, but as i look back at my life i see how much of an affect outside of school it really had.
i always thought ADHD was just my inability to pay attention, or my brain seeming to run on 100% all the time, but it was so much more. it was my forgetfulness, my low self esteem, my unwillingness to open up. it was things that i still don’t like looking back and thinking about.
one major thing that i didn’t know about was the emotional effects of ADHD. people with ADHD feel emotions more intensely. the happy times are exciting, the sad times are depressing, and the anger is blood boiling. the issue is that they can’t really control them.
i would regularly have spontaneous changes in my mood, and would constantly have overwhelming emotions, but would just kept them bottled up 24/7 because i just assumed everyone felt the same thing and were just better at controlling it.
i also realized that i was a pretty social kid up until late elem/early middle school, but i slowly started to feel “different” in a sense. i would move quickly through my convos, jumping around to keep up with my mind, and i became very self conscious of that. i felt isolated.
i grew very closed off because of all this, and would usually avoid hanging out with people or speaking too much, which came off to some as me being mean or not liking them. you can imagine how much of a negative affect this had on the rest of my life.
i think a lot now about the relationships i ruined, the missed opportunities in life, the people i might have negatively affected. i also think about the toll it took on other aspects of my mental health. i really regret not getting help earlier. it feels lke my biggest mistake.
and it’s really hard not to look back and think how things might have been different. i really do try to just focus on the future, but my brain always finds a way to regret everything, from my academics to my social life. it’s really depressing.
but currently i’m trying to look at the bright side of things. i had a real interest in learning new things, and the hyperfocus would really help me dive deep into new and interesting topics. i also don’t think i’d be doing what i’m currently doing for a living without it.
i don’t know what me knowing now will do. i’m still in the dark on a lot of things. i’m seeing my doctor soon. it kinda feels like i’m entering a new phase in life. idk. what i do know is that understanding it is the first step to managing it.
i wanna add that this is only a fraction of what i’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks, no thread i make could really explain it. i also know that not everyone with ADHD has the same experiences, and this is just a reflection of my own thoughts recently.
i’m basically saying all this to say that if anyone has had thoughts of getting checked for something but is hesitating, let this be a sign to go. it might be the best decision you will make. oh and i feel like this thread might be jumping everywhere so sorry
just realized i’m 18 tweets deep into this thread... lol
