A lot of people are going to tell you that physical appearances don’t matter in relationships. I think at the end of the day it all comes down to what kind of person you are. I, for one, know that I am someone who loves deeply and madly. However, love and lust are two separate

compartments. As women, we are often painted as the gender who values things on a deeper level as opposed to our male counterparts who value their partners mostly for the optics. This is a broad and a terribly unfair stereotype for both genders. No, it doesn’t work that way.

I’m not an authority on anyone else’s relationship, however based on what I have experienced and what I’ve seen, physical appearances matter. Now it all comes down to how you perceive physical intimacy. Men, at a biological level can compartmentalize this and

don’t necessarily need a wholistic relationship or attraction to someone’s personality for a fulfilling sexual experience. Newsflash: a lot of women are capable of doing the same. I am one of those women. In the past, I have verbalized my concerns to my partners regarding the

changes in their physical appearance and how it has affected my attraction towards them. That said, how often do we see men lose interest in their wives after they bear children? How often do we see them cheating on their wives for this reason? I’m not saying this goes one way

It’s equally applicable to both parties. Once again, this may not apply to the dynamic of your relationship with your partner(s). But for someone like me who’s sexual fulfillment does depend on optics (love being an independent variable here) I don’t think it’s problematic at all

when we tell our partners to improve on their appearance because the goal is for a fulfilling sex life for both of us. Oversimplification, but it’s like faking an orgasm. I’d rather KNOW what my partner is feeling, how my exterior is affecting their perception of me than have

them lie to me. We have to be secure enough about our commitment to each other, we have to be secure enough about the love we have for each other in order to have these conversations and not take them to heart. To realize that love is the independent variable and how you look

does not change the way I feel about you, but it DOES change the way my body responds to yours. Once again, this might not make sense to many and will be misconstrued as shallow. But it’s my lived experience and it’s my lived truth and no one can convince me otherwise.