*takes deep breath* I'm thinking about checking out of DSA for good because convention broke my brain and I can't pretend like I'm not still mad about it a year later. I'm struggling to regain even half the enthusiasm I had for DSA when I first joined 3 years ago.

I feel like I've been duped. Because like ... it's never really been about DSA for me. DSA is merely a vehicle to get me to my destination, but it keeps breaking down and I'm tired of sinking time and money into this lemon.

I feel like we're trying to revive a carcass that has long been cold. Organizing methods of yore aren't gonna work anymore, we need something new.

DSA truly is good in theory but not in practice. Having a unified national socialist organization is a great idea but it's not possible to have a national socialist organization without compromise. DSA will never succeed as a radical organization,

it'll have to become another glorified NGO to get any real traction. And that's not even because of popular opinion, that's because of finance laws and shit like that. Every penny must be accounted for. We are more beholden to government entities than we are actually helping ppl.

In short, being a non-profit is nothing more than insurance. We need to be ungovernable.

But it's not even just that, I'm tired of being a martyr for a cause that never learns. Not to like be all like "I told you so" but I spent 2 years trying to convince others in DSA to prepare for this kind of shit and hardly anyone wanted to fucking listen.

I'm very tired of being a reactive force, when will we be proactive? We're in the middle of a global health crisis, our housing market is about to crash, millions of ppl are out of work and have no health insurance because it was tied to their employment,

businesses are shuttering permanently because of the lack of government aid, many ppl have not been getting unemployment, the list goes on. None of us could have predicted this but it's still possible to prepare for crises.

But there was nothing to prepare for even one of these things, short of M4A, which was a pipedream that collapsed before our very eyes because of a fucking virus, ironically enough. But like idk what else to do, and I'm almost too tired to go on.

Gonna tuck and roll out this screaming metal deathtrap, pick the pebbles out of my abrasions, and I'm gonna walk until the next pretty car comes along I guess.

Or until I get run over, who knows?

Fin