Bkg, aged 4, at a 7-11 check out: mama can i have a candy?

Mitsuki: that's only for grown-ups, honey

-

Deku, aged 16, jokingly: maybe we should pick up some condoms tonight

Bkg: huh?

Deku: you know next to the cash register

Bkg: you mean the grown up candies?

Deku: KACCHAN

Bkg: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THOSE ARE CONDOMS? THEY SAY STRAWBERRY

Deku: they can be flavoured!

Bkg: don't they look like sausage casings or something???

Deku: YES but they come in little foil packets, did you think people sold them inflated??

Bkg: so they just have sex stuff on display? RIGHT THERE? I USED TO BEG MY MOM FOR THEM WHEN I WAS A KID

Deku, in tears, trying not to laugh: KACCHAN THEY ARE SEX ITEMS YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO EAT THEM

Bkg: YOU JUST SAID THEY WERE FLAVOURED

Deku: LUBE, THEY'RE FLAVOURED WITH LUBE

Bkg: HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS

Deku: uh

Bkg: oh my god

Bkg: you watch PORN

Deku: KACCHAN WE'RE IN PUBLIC STOP YELLING

Bkg: DON'T TOUCH ME DEGENERATE

Kiri: we literally just came here for soda, how are you already fighting

Bkg: HE'S TRYING TO GIVE ME AN STD

Deku: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT AN STD IS

Bkg: YES I DO

Deku: WHAT DOES STD MEAN?

Bkg, confidently: cooties!

Kiri: ok where do babies come from

Bkg: sperm fertilises an ovum and creates a zygote, later embryo. I'm not an idiot

Deku: where does sperm come from

Bkg: the penis

Kiri: and how does it get into the vagina

Bkg: sex

Deku: which means?

Bkg: the parents get naked and kiss

Deku, wheezing: how the hell does kissing transport sperm anywhere?

Bkg: it, uh - it comes up through -

Kiri: the dick has to go in the vagina, man

Bkg: what the hell? How's that supposed to fit

Kiri, wiping tears: that's what she said

Bkg: WHO???

Iida, coming up to them: i must ask you three to keep it down! You're causing a ruckus!

Kiri: bkg needs to have the birds and the bees talk. He doesn't understand sex.

Iida: ah, i see!

Iida: (turns around and leaves)

Momo: iida said there was an emergency? Why are you guys crying?

Deku: (unintelligible noises)

Kiri: he said - he said - bkg tell her what you said

Bkg, unhappily: i asked if you could have sex with a pregnant person or if your dick would poke the baby

Momo: oh dear

Kiri: you're so fucking cute, dude, it's like you're still in elementary school

Bkg, grabbing deku by the collar: fuck you, I'm not a little kid (kisses deku right in the middle of the 7-11)

Deku:

Deku, cracking up: so was that sex or

Bkg: obviously not, idiot. we still had our clothes on

Deku:

Bkg: That was just oral.

Kiri: HAHAHAHAH

Bkg, loudly: I'm buying a condom

Deku: KACCHAN WAIT NO

Bkg: STFU DEKU I NEED TO SEE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE

Kiri: STOP YELLING OH MY GOD

Bkg: give me that one

Cashier, exhausted: sir, that's just gum

Bkg: which ones are the condoms??

Cashier: right there, they're next to the lube.

Bkg:

Cashier:

Bkg: THAT'S LUBE?

Cashier: yeah

Bkg: MY MOM SAID THOSE WERE SKINNY DEODORANTS

Deku: K A C C H A N

(Later, in the dorms)

Bkg: what the hell are you supposed to do with this

Deku: i think you unroll it

Bkg: wh - that can barely go on my pinky

Kiri: they inflate

Deku: try blowing into it

Bkg: EW NO

Deku: WHY NOT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED STRAWBERRY

Bkg: holy shit

Kiri: woah dude it got HUGE. Whose fuckin dong gets that size?

Deku: it's not that wierd, it looks pretty comfy.

Bkg:

Kiri:

Deku, blushing: uhm, i mean-

Bkg: so you just put your dick in it? Lame. Deku, hand me the trashcan

Deku: okay.

Kiri: WAIT. wait, dude we spent money on that.

Bkg: so?

Kiri: so, you know. We should, like, have some fun.

Deku, grinning: wanna go get a few more?

(the next day)

Aizawa: so, would you boys like to explain why there are about 30 broken condoms lying around your dorm?

Deku: (incoherent mumbling)

Aizawa: what was that?

Bkg, embarrassed: we had a water balloon fight

,,,, I'm sorry https://ko-fi.com/E1E2OGQQ