sometimes i think i'm non-binary because sometime i think 'dang what if i was someone's boyfriend...that sounds cool'

back when i thought i was a dude, the main positive thing i associated with masculinity was protectiveness, and i find myself feeling very protective of friends and family nowadays.

and it makes me think maybe if i approached masculinity from the position i'm in now i would find it more appealing.

but the issue is that the negative things associated with masculinity (being seen as big and scary, being seen as emotionally distant, being perceived as a threat) are all things that on some level traumatize me, and are attributes i've spent years running away from

i feel like my body is really big, and it makes me dysphoric, but sometimes i also think about how comforting it is for someone taller than you to hold you in their arms, and then i think maybe my body isn't so bad after all if i can hold people i care about