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Looking at old pics of me on T or living as a trans guy and it& #39;s a little sad I guess. I think I made a cute boy (narcissistic I know!) - I didn& #39;t even recognize myself at first, it was that different. As a girl I feel ugly, tall (166cm 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😓" title="Gesicht mit kaltem Schweiß" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit kaltem Schweiß">), fat, big, clumsy, boorish..
As a boy I felt cute, small, and even dainty. It was a very different feeling. Men treated me differently - it wasn& #39;t ppl whispering dyke at me while they passed me or giving me looks, it was ppl thinking I was a student or younger boy and being cajoling but supportive
I miss it in a way? Ever since I was little I& #39;ve struggled with feeling like a "bad" girl (as in, I don& #39;t fit the definition of "girl") and transitioning ironically made me feel better about myself. I don& #39;t want to be something I& #39;m not, and I will never ever be a man, so I know
there& #39;s no point in retransition, but I miss feeling cute lol. Girls noticed me (rip to that), guys treated me with slightly more respect (I& #39;d commonly hear "I& #39;ve never been into a dude before, but..."), I felt ok with my weight. :& #39;(
The thing abt dudes flirting with me like that was that it was, yes, a huge ego boost, but it also was so drastically different to being flirted with as a girl. I felt /seen/, and more than an easy lay for being chubby and awkward or for being an Asian girl. It felt nice :(
Also I gained like 10kg off T which doesn& #39;t help but agh. It really is tempting sometimes!
I also felt like my autism and ADHD were more "normal"? Like I& #39;d be read as a little clumsy or socially awkward but in a cute way, and now I feel like a bumbling oafhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">
I also felt like my autism and ADHD were more "normal"? Like I& #39;d be read as a little clumsy or socially awkward but in a cute way, and now I feel like a bumbling oaf
I& #39;m sure part of this is internalized misogyny and I want to get over it. But it feels good to admit to myself that I miss some things about being a trans guy :& #39;)
Retransition would also smooth things over with my social circle and I feel like it& #39;d be so easy. Rrrrgh
Retransition would also smooth things over with my social circle and I feel like it& #39;d be so easy. Rrrrgh
Can& #39;t believe I ever thought *detransition* was the easy way out lol. I mean yes you& #39;re not on a lifetime of hrt+surgery but it& #39;s so much easier to make physical changes than mental ones https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">
