The sting of an unsuccessful job interview,a thread: This week I had a leadership job interview. Having applied over 4 months ago, the process delayed by you know what, I’d almost forgotten about it. Statistically it was unlikely I’d be shortlisted - but I was 1/n

Looking in the mirror on the morning of day 1, I couldn’t believe that they had chosen me. My self-confidence came crashing down the moment I gave birth 18 months ago and realised that I, an intelligent, witty, strong woman, had no idea how to be a mum 2/n

Nonetheless I did what I do best - I put a brave face on, and hid my nerves with a smile. I actually relished the tasks, enjoying the challenge and honestly loved meeting the students, staff and my fellow candidates. Throughout the day, my confidence rose. I could do this! 3/n

I had no idea how I’d fared in comparison to other candidates - but I got the call to say I was through to day 2. I began to actually think this job could be mine. I even began picturing the logistics and possibilities - envisaging myself back in leadership, doing what I love 4/n

I went into day 2 excited about the opportunities I saw opening up in front of me - I felt I was my true self at my very best. I felt enthusiastic, passionate, articulate, strategic, poised and - whisper it - confident! I came away beaming. 5/n

Although I told myself that I was proud of myself whatever the outcome, the glimmer of hope was blossoming. Projecting myself into the role for the purposes of the interview had worked too well. After months of feeling trapped under lockdown, I finally felt I might just fly 6/n

The call came, and I knew right away. The possibilities I’d dreamed up in hope were gone. I felt that I was back to the beginning of my journey of returning to leadership - but worse. I’d dared to believe I might fly - but I’d fallen. 7/n

This morning, after allowing myself a suitable overnight grieving period, I still feel the sting, the shame at myself for having the gall to believe that I might just achieve this. However I feel something else - pride. Pride that I pushed to make a step towards my passion 8/n

Pride that I felt successful, that I enjoyed the challenge, that I felt like I might once again belong. But more than pride - relief. Relief that I could feel like all this again.

I await my feedback with concern - what was it that I did wrong, or didn’t show? 9/n

But this morning, as I cuddle my daughter, and as the sun shines, I realise I am strong.

Whatever the feedback, I gained a lot from this experience, and it has cemented that I’m ready to return - to leadership, and most of all to that feeling of achievement and success. 10/n