I was a child during the 90's recession, and I think my parents' strategy for dealing with the lack of money was to use their farm to be as self sufficient as possible

We didn't buy juice; we made juice from the currant berries we grew. We didn't buy candy and baked goods; we made rhubarb pies and blueberry swiss rolls with foraged fruits. Bread and cakes were homemade. Never had rice and pasta; we were able to grow plenty of potatoes

On school lunches and field trips and visiting friends I would get access to non-homemade things though. Ice cream. Rice dishes. Orange juice. Hot chocolate. Cheesecakes. Pasta salads.

On trips to the grocery store I would sometimes very carefully try to request we buy nice tasty things. There's only so much potato and lingonberry jam and oatmeal and apple crumble you can stomach. Most of the time the response was a severe NO.

But mom and dad never said "No, we can't afford that." Maybe they didn't want us kids knowing we're poor. Maybe they thought we'll blurt it out in front of friends. Maybe they were so ashamed that they couldn't internally frame it in terms of poverty.

Instead, wanting certain foods became to me this moral and aesthetic failure. Good kids don't prefer pasta over potatoes. Good people make their own juice. Good people don't buy prepackaged meals and white bread. Good people don't like sugary drinks and fresh exotic fruits.

I still find the echoes of this in my shopping and eating. Things like orange juice, fresh cherries, pre-marinated chicken, bananas, canned pineapple and candy feel sinful and expensive and self indulgent.

If you ask me now, I would have preferred to be told we're poor. That it's ok to want things you can't afford, and then be told what we're prioritizing by not buying the orange juice. There would have been dignity and even pride in that. Not this weird hush-hush shame...

There's a big difference between "We're in this together and we're striving to prioritize the things that truly matter, and yeah it sucks sometimes" and a vague, undiscussed shame of being so bad that you want immoral, weak, bad things and can't fight it.