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Besides COVID, social distance, and all the unrest, I’ve been dealing with some devastating issues in my personal life that have left me soaked through with sadness and anxiety.
Today felt especially heavy for some reason. The anxiety nearly overwhelming throughout the day.
Today felt especially heavy for some reason. The anxiety nearly overwhelming throughout the day.
I don’t know why it sometimes feels like things are disproportionately hard and wrong in our lives. Like the dark clouds and bad news is only darkening your door. Like regardless of how hard we work and try, we are not pardoned from the suffering.
I don’t know what to do when my best isn’t enough. When my own effort doesn’t produce the results it deserves. I don’t know what to do when I trust someone and they injure me, or when I can’t seem to fit the shards of broken relationships together in a way that resembles health.
I don’t even know why I’m saying any of this other than to be brutally honest about not being okay today. And knowing that it’s okay to not be okay even though none of it feels right. I hate injustice—even when it’s holding my hand and walking down the street with me.
Maybe these thoughts make me negative and pessimistic. Maybe I’m the confetti cannon without any glitter at my own pity party. But sometimes I just want to be human without having to consider everyone’s checks and balances, and the way they’ll precieve me.
