my parents picked a huge fight with me and kept calling me names and yelling at me over & over AND OVER and then i was crying and he decided to come back in my room and apologize and kept twisting his words around and saying "i never said that!" and "i was joking!" and "i didnt

mean that!" to all his comments (constantly saying he wants me dead, he hates me, im stupid, im worthless, im unworthy of living, im so vile, im so spoiled… i cant even finish typing this because now my mom wont stop yelling "to herself" but just yelling at me and calling me

names in third person. and i cant even think straight bc theyre so MANIPULATIVE. saying i make everything up and that theyre nice to me and that this is all in my head. and they say this all the time, daily, but this "apology" was even worse because he kept making excuses for

anything to make me feel crazy; that i had to know he was joking. or that he really didnt ever say that. that i know he cares about me and wishes me well and thinks im smart. and when he says these things, which he said in his nice tone, it's hard for me to think about the truth

esp when there was an "excuse" for everything. and idk i know hes lying and manipulating me but hes so narcisstic and this is so deep rooted part of me DOES think more & more that this IS all in my head. and as you all know since i say this daily, but i have no support system. so

each & every day i am bombarded by these hateful words and i live in fear, then im made to be crazy because im upset by these things because none of the mean commenrs are real, and then i just… have no one else. no friends to talk to. no one to check in on me. no one that cares

about me or supports me. and then thats fine like obviously no one who knows me now needs to be that person bc they wouldve been by default if they wanted to/ are supposed to, but then that makes me wonder will i ever meet someone who cares about me? will i ever get support &

love or is it because im unlovable and intolerable and theres a reason my parents always say these things, OR that the reason no one loves me or cares about me is because i have such a warped sense of reality and my d*d was right all along that he didnt say those things or mean

them. i could not tell you. but it just SUCKS still because then there are some people who claim to be there for me but ARENT. i dont mind that no one is, but again it makes me feel crazy and so confused when people just pretend. and i feel bad bc one of the ppl im thinking of is

actually on here and now this is a subtweet! but i just cant even think straight bc im hurting so much and i just want to scream from the rooftops! like the fact no one sent me a birthday card when i sent so many people one? and they knew that meant a lot to me bc im a human and

all humans want that??? or when i sent so many people letters towards the beginning of quarantine and no one sent them back? and then i worked up the courage to bring it up and they all were like oh AND STILL DIDNT DO IT!!!! AND ALL GO SUCH EXTRA LENGTHS FOR THEIR OTHER FRIENDS

and AGAIN I WOULDNT CARE BC NO ONE OWES ME ANYTHING BUT AM I CRAZY FOR THINKING IT'S WRONG FOR PEOPLE TO CALL ME A PRIORITY OR SAY THEY CARE ABOUT ME AND ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND WILL BE BUT THEN… DO NOTHING? LIKE MY BAR IS SO FRICKING LOW. AND I WENT TO TARGET TODAY AND SAW

THESE CARDS PEOPLE CAN SEND TO THEIR FRIENDS SAYING HEY IK THINGS ARE ROUGH RIGHT NOW BUT I LOVE YOU OR YOU MATTER AND IDK STUFF LIKE THAT AND THERE ARE WHOLE CARD INDUSTRIES TO SEND TO JUST YOUR FRIENDS OR WHEN SOMEONE IS SAD OR WHATEVER AND IT'S LIKE MAN I CANT EVEN GET A BDAY

CARD????? AND I SAY THIS BC WE'RE IN QUARANTINE AND AN ECONOMIC CRISIS SO OBV I DONT WANT SOMETHING LIKE A PARTY OR A GIFT BUT MAN HONESTLY IF WE WERENT I WOULDVE WANTED THAT! AND I JUST SAY THE BDAY THING A LOT BC I WOULD NEVER EVEN EXPECT SOMEONE TO DO THIS JUST FOR M E ON A

RANDOM DAY OR SOMETHING; I CANT IMAGINE OR EVER DREAM OF SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING KIND FOR ME SPONTANEOUSLY. I KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR. BUT MAN JUST A CARD. WAS TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE. AND THEN EVERYONE JUST MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY AND STUPID FOR HAVING EXPECTED THAT TOO!!!!

LIKE OH WOW I HAD NO IDEA YOUD HAVE WANTED THAT. OR YEAH IM JUST NOT A CARD PERSON. C L E A R L Y I AM! AND IN GENERAL I AM JUST A LITERALLY ANYTHING PERSON LIKE IF SOMEONE JUST DREW ME A PICTURE OR OFFERED TO HELP ME WITH SOMETHING OR IDK!!! LITERALLY ANYTHING! OR OR OR OR OR OR

IF THEY WOULD JUST STOP SAYING THEY CARE ABOUT ME AND IM A PRIORITY!!!!!! BECAUSE THIS IS SO CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IDK WHY THIS SWITCHED TO THAT I LITERALLY CAN BARELY EVEN SEE WHAT IM TYPING BC IM CRYING SO HARD AND U G H I JUST WANT ONE PERSON TO BE NICE TO ME OR JUST FOR

EVERYONE TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!! IK EVERYONE MEANS WELL AND I APPRECIATE THE THOUGHT SO MUCH BUT YOU OWE ME NOTHING. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME. BUT IF YOU SAY YOU ARE THEN IDK I FEEL LIKE MY BAR IS BELOW THE GROUND! IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IF IM COMING OFF AS A REALLY

BAD PERSON AND IM SORRY EITHER WAY! IT'S JUST HARD FEELING LIKE SUCH A BURDEN TO LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH, EVEN MY FRIENDS, BECAUSE I JUST FEEL SO BAD BEING DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME AND WISHING THEY WOULD TREAT ME THE WAY I TRY TO TREAT THEM

OBV IM NOT PERFECT BUT I DO LISTEN AND TRY BUT JUST… I DONT KNOW. & SO MANY PEOPLE SAY OH ITLL GET BETTER THINK POSITIVE. BUT I CANT! IT MAY NEVER GET BETTER FOR ME! I DONT HAVE A BRIGHT FUTURE! I DONT HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM! AND I DONT WANT TO GET MY HOPES UP LIKE EBEN THOUGH

I CAN SEE POSSIBLY AN END TO THIS, THAT DOESNT MEAN SOMETHING BETTER WILL COME. THINGS CAN GET WORSE TOO. AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY TO THINK POSITIVE I JUST FEEL SO GUILTY AND WORSE AND UGH IM SO SORRY FOR ALL THESE TWEETS ALL THE TIME AND IDK I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYONE WOULD READ

THIS OBVIOUSLY BUT IM SURE IT'S TAKING UP A LOT OF ROOM ON THE TIMELINE AND AGAIN IM REALLY SORRY. and lately ive been watching crime documentaries and im so scared something will happen to me and then everyone will assume i ran away or k*lled myself when i just… wouldnt. bc im

just too scared to and it wont solve my problems. not that im in any immediate danger rn but just… ugh it makes me feel even bad for THAT. and again im sorry for spiraling!!! and tweeting about it!! i just never know what else to do and im sorry im not in a thinking head rn and

my m*m just came in my room to ask to finish off my ice cream (my d*d asked if he could finish off this other ice cream i had. so now i dont have any except this vegan one i am scared to try) and then i said ok but in a sad voice because im obviously really sad rn! not over this

bc it's ICE CREAM but she had the nerve to yell at me and say i dont care about her feelings. because im sad she & her husband called me names for an hour or so. i cant tweet more than this so i reached the end of this thread again im sorry for tweeting so much (today + overall)