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I know a lot of people hate small talk and I totally understand why, but I like to think I’m actually pretty great at it. Today however, I had one of the most catastrophic, face-planting small talk stumbles in my entire life.
I know a lot of people hate small talk and I totally understand why, but I like to think I’m actually pretty great at it. Today however, I had one of the most catastrophic, face-planting small talk stumbles in my entire life.
I was at Walmart today and in the middle distance I saw someone that I’ve known for about a year or so now. I won’t say his name because we’re actually pretty chummy and I don’t want him to think this thread is in any way a dig at him. This failure falls squarely on me.
Anywho, I see him and my pre-pandemic instincts kick in. “Oh, I haven’t seen him in a while, I should see how he’s been!” And then my OCD germaphobic instincts of “YOUR SMALL TALK WILL DROWN THIS TOWN IN TOXIC PLAGUE-SLUDGE,” quickly take over.
So I decide to arm my brain with a quick “Hey man, how you been!” and let him say some words at me before I go “Oh great well have a good one!” all as I walk past him with a steady, brisk pace. I get through the routine and totally stick the landing. And then, it happens.
I get about a foot past his line of vision before some guy in the aisle in front of me walks out directly into my path and just stops. Not to look at food. Not to catch up with someone he bumped into. Just stops and gives his brain a timeout. It is a bizarrely common occurrence.
Now I’m not only very annoyed, my brain now goes into “SIX FEET HAS BEEN BREACHED! FALL BACK FALL BACK!” And I quickly waddle a few feet back into my friend’s line of vision. I’m now so flustered that I mutter out something like, “Ha, I don’t remember where I’m going haaaaaa...”
Silence...
Silence...
Silence...
I then see that he and the person he’s with have raw chicken and raw bacon in the cart. I decide then to feign interest by pointing at his cart and blurting out, “Oh are you makin’ a chicken and bacon (mumble) sorta dinner thing tonight?”
Silence...
Silence...
I then see that he and the person he’s with have raw chicken and raw bacon in the cart. I decide then to feign interest by pointing at his cart and blurting out, “Oh are you makin’ a chicken and bacon (mumble) sorta dinner thing tonight?”
He then goes, “uhh yep.”
Silence.
And then I turn around and scatter into the first aisle I see before saying “OK BYE!” and go hide in a corner from my utter shame.
So now I’m thinking maybe small talk’s not really my thing at the moment.
Silence.
And then I turn around and scatter into the first aisle I see before saying “OK BYE!” and go hide in a corner from my utter shame.
So now I’m thinking maybe small talk’s not really my thing at the moment.
