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I am suspended in center of the Blockchain, my skin is silver with Etherium, like the wretched duck I back-paddle in a roaring sea of golden coins--but actually, I am floating, I am treading water in the air--
I have sent Barack Obama $1000 in Bitcoin. He has multiplied my fortune and give me his blessing. I am the richest man alive. I have partnered with CryptoForHealth and they have made me Kalki--I am here for the final Yuga--I will drown God in the deep wells of Mt. Gox
I have bent over like a woman in Hot Yoga and presented myself to Elon Musk--he has inserted a single golden coin, like I'm a machine--I roll on my back and explode with vomit, I shower myself in a mist of Coin, then I roll around in it like a dog, tumescent, smiling, a winner!
Joe Biden, Jeff Bezos, Kanye West, Uber---all of them have one thing in common---all of them have bent and cleaned me, rubbed me with coin, I am scabby and grotesque and the richest man alive. My wallet is throbbing!!!!!! My pussy is empty!!!!! Give me more Bitcoin!!!
I am at Fat Kid Mermaid Camp and I have a CZ Scorpion. My eyes are peeled for Kali. I am roaming from room to room. My Devya slaves are lined up outside--We met in the killing fields of Black Rifle Coffee--where we claimed first blood--With Bitcoin we shall claim the whole world
Cryptocurrency can only be used by Cryptomen. I am the worlds first totally encrypted man. I am Mr. Faraday. Girlfriends have described me as "totally opaque"--"foggy with confusion"--"dense"--but they didn't understand that density was cultivated so I might become a God!!
When I speak my words are shielded by a solid stream of lead. Totally impenetrable--heavy--obnoxious! I do not want to be this way but I want to be a wealthy man. I must encrypt myself. This is why people who say "Bitcoin is useless" are themselves of zero use!
If you come up to me at CoinCon and tell me: Your money is made up. You just have numbers on a page. I will suck your dick and nothing will come out. Because you are translucent! How can you pick up a bitcoin (which by the way are real) when your hands can't grasp a pencil?
I am Watching John Wick with My Friend Satoshi and You Cannot buy Ketamine Online, You are Forced to a Crooked Vet, I could buy EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF KETAMINE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD with how much Bitcoin I have. But go ahead. Funny money. Totally useless. Stop looking in the mirror!
You are sitting in a chair in early evening and I am refusing poontang at the center of the Hollow Earth as I watch the Coins drop down the wells into my beautiful cave. Thank you Joseph Biden. Thank you Jeffrey B. Thank you to blue checks who helped me grind into Heaven.
