The more response and circulation my work finds, the easier I fall into a self-sabotage pattern. Like it doesn’t feel quite as meaningful, or it drags on way too slowly, or it’s not good enough. I wonder how creative output from folks I admire feels different from their side.

Before you have an audience, it’s hard to see past that point. Most of us would appreciate an audience when creating — even if we say it’s for ourselves. But after you have the audience, you have no other thing to distract yourself with. You have to face the work for what it is.

That is not to complain about having an audience. It’s a big privilege that y’all read what I have to say. It’s more that I did not expect this shift in my mood and wonder if some of y’all already went through this at some point.