I’m in the suburbs and the Antifa alarm just went off. I’m worried that the radical left might create an ObamaGate around us. They might also be wearing tan suits. This is a stressful situation.
Sweet mother of God, I think I see a mail truck. I better hide.
There’s no way Abraham Lincoln could have been treated worse than me.
I just almost sprained my ankle. I can’t believe Hillary would do that to me.
How am I supposed to recover from this almost sprained ankle when the looters could show up at any time?
Wait a second.....is that a statue of Christopher Columbus I see? Oh nevermind, it’s just a tree that looks like Robert E.Lee. Thank goodness we have something shaped like him in the neighborhood. We must deflect to him at all costs.
That’s enough action for today. I need to social distance from my neighbors who don’t respect Woodrow Wilson.
Oh and one last thing. I just hope Susan Collins wasn’t disappointed in my patriotism.