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Just thinking that if the future of America depended on everyone agreeing that 2+2=4, I'm not sure we could do it. 1/
Early polls show nearly universal acceptance, but before long, partisan polarization sets in. 2/
A small but loud group on the right argues that 2+2=5, just to own the libs and stick it to the pointy headed experts. Fox and Friends hosts nod along sagely. 3/
Islamophobes argue that math is Muslim conspiracy, since numbers were invented by the Arabs. Historians point out that, actually, our number system originated in Hindu India. To no avail. 4/
Politicians who spent decades defunding public schools blame the teachers unions for creating confusion. 5/
The Democratic House passes a massive package to fund education and public awareness. The GOP Senate refuses to take it up and passes a capital gains tax cut instead. 6/
Marco Rubio laments the fact that this issue has been politicized, then tweets a Bible quote about Jesus feeding 5,000 people with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. 7/
Mathematicians insist that if they just explain it clearly and carefully, the public will come to its senses. Climate scientists shake their heads knowingly. 8/
European and Asian allies look on in horror as the US fails to solve a math problem that their children master by age five. 9/
A NYT headline blares "President Trump declares that 2+2=5. Experts disagree." 10/
The top-trending story of Facebook promotes a zany conspiracy theory that 2+2=Q. Mark Zuckerberg says that Facebook isn't going to get in the business of fact-checking mathematical claims. 11/
Meanwhile, most American sit at home furious, wondering wtf. /end
