The fact that I’ve never even seen the phrase “men and nonbinary” tells me all I need to know about who’s welcome to participate in the developing nonbinary culture & what bodies & gender expressions are encouraged or shamed https://twitter.com/oh_theogony/status/1283415089023000576

As always, I’m happy not to intrude on social scenes that aren’t meant for me!

Buuuuut this one keeps telling me it might be meant for me out of one side of its mouth, and definitely isn’t meant for me out of the other...

and this duplicity makes me VERY DISTRUSTFUL

Most cultural movements have a discrepancy between “who is welcome” and who is welcome

& the people who are actually welcome believe the hype about “who is welcome” (but isn’t really)

so this isn’t unique to the developing nonbinary culture

it just aggravates me personally.

Nobody needs to be lavished with tweets & memes insisting they’re loved & welcomed, then treated like outsiders & interlopers whenever we arrive. Just tell us the truth!

See also:
https://twitter.com/oh_theogony/status/1283422513658241025?s=21 https://twitter.com/oh_theogony/status/1283422513658241025

I’m starting to get a handful of replies deflecting this issue onto cis women’s behavior, because of...the many obvious transphobic behaviors of cis women...

however, that’s not what I’m talking about here, and I’m also not making this up, thanks!

I also understand that many people find it challenging to hear that communities they’ve found welcoming to them aren’t welcoming to everyone & the first instinct can be, “No, no, we must be welcoming bc they welcomed ME!”

Try to sit with it — nobody actually welcomes everyone.

see also:

https://twitter.com/oh_theogony/status/1283495302704570368?s=21 https://twitter.com/oh_theogony/status/1283495302704570368

It's not an accident that I'm always afraid to bring up this topic because I'm afraid a mob will appear to accuse me of trying to infiltrate dyke-adjacent &/or femme spaces (which, trust me, I don't want to inflitrate) – we do receive mixed messages & not just from cis women.

There's also a strong current in some corners of queer communities of scapegoating fags for everything that goes wrong for us all...often without understanding the gender variance among fags (cis & trans)...& this can compound in nonbinary spaces IME.

ok muting this now so I don't get too stressed

hope it was useful for someone!