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1 like = 1 drawing of Jason Statham doing something
1. Jason Statham loooks through a small window and sees a pig pass by
2. Jason Statham practises his jazz dance steps
3. Jason Statham blanks Jason Momoa at a showbiz party
4. Jason Statham rests after taking the bins out
5. Jason Statham plays golf and stops to wonder if he's ever killed anyone with a golf club in a movie and he just can't remember there's been so many movies
6. Jason Statham wonders if his toes are getting wrinkly
7. Jason Statham leans against a plank and finds it surprisingly comfortable
8. Jason Statham reads an advert about ear wax removal for over-50s
9. Jason Statham has an idea for a motorbike-tank and wonders if anyone has had the idea before him
10. Jason Statham goes walking on the moors and the fog comes in and his phone's only on 5%
11. Jason Statham opens a jam jar by staring at it until it becomes afraid and pops its own lid off
12. At his home gym in the Hollywood hills, Jason Statham practises medium distance flying headbutts on his specially made headbutt training area
13. Jason Statham secures his face mask before popping into WH Smith
14. Jason Statham has a bit of a clear out and decides to get rid of a promotional cut out of himself from The Meg
15. Jason Statham waits for a funicular railway carriage to arrive and fills the time by saying the word 'funicular' out loud because he likes the sound of it
16. Jason Statham goes tenpin bowling with a ball which has his own face on it
17. Jason Statham sleeps, and dreams
18. Jason Statham realising he just trod 4 spots of blue emulsion into the living room carpet
19. Jason Statham regrets driving for three hours to visit The World's Smallest Mountain
20. Jason Statham wonders if he should hang his mirror a bit lower
21. Jason Statham stops the car to watch a murmuration of starlings because life is short and you never know when you'll see another one
22. Jason Statham shaves the left side of his head before the right which is unusual for him but he just wanted to shake things up a bit
23. Jason Statham does some over-50s yoga
24. Jason Statham reads a script his agent just sent him: GUNFIST, about a special forces guy who loses his left hand and has it replaced with a machine gun
25. Jason Statham reads up to page 30 and drops the Gunfist script because it's just not doing it for him
26. Jason Statham picks up the Gunfist script again and wonders why the main character's name is 'Dan Gunfist' even *before* he loses his hand
27. Jason Statham whistles the Strictly theme as he goes to pay for pump number four and a diet Lilt
28. Jason Statham walks up the beach wearing seaweed as a wig to amuse his nephews
29. Jason Statham tries to read 'Bring Up The Bodies' by Hilary Mantel but he can't really concentrate on it
30. After Jason Statham gets a call from his agent asking him to 'give Gunfist another try', he picks up the script again
31. Jason Statham's cat goes briefly unstroked as Jason Statham tells his agent that on second reading Gunfist is great and he's on board if the money's right
32. Jason Statham wonders why people expect him to be embarrassed by the Shamen video where he was a dancer what's wrong with that the Shamen were good if of their time and besides he's Jason Statham he doesn't do embarrassment
33. On the way to his first meeting with the person lined up to direct Gunfist, Jason Statham spots a fly a split second before it dies against his windscreen and he thinks how many small lives do we take without even knowing
34. Jason Statham meets Simone La Barra, who will direct Gunfist. She tells him it's her first feature but if it's a hit she expects to direct the next 8 sequels before handing over the reins to someone else
35. Jason Statham shows no pain on his face when half way through the meeting somebody brings him a coffee and trips up and scalding hot fluid spills all down his left leg
36. Jason Statham is really good about the whole coffee spill and poses for a picture with the person who spilt it, who, seven years later, will add it to an internet list of Times That Celebrities Were Just Great
37. Jason Statham looks out of a small window and sees a pig again, but passing in the opposite direction to before. He wonders if it's the same pig returning, or a different pig on an unconnected journey
38. The night before principal photography for his latest film, 'Gunfist', Jason Statham googles himself even though he's well aware it's always a bad idea but too late his fingers did it for him
39. Having googled himself, Jason Statham sees a review which describes his acting as 'adequate'.
Jason Statham is not happy.
Jason Statham's going to do something about it.
Jason Statham is not happy.
Jason Statham's going to do something about it.
40. Jason Statham prepares to act the shit out the scene in Gunfist where he wakes up and finds out he's lost his hand
41. Jason Statham acts the scene with heartbreaking brilliance and half the crew burst into tears
42. Acting has made Jason Statham tired so he has a lie down for a bit
43. Jason Statham gets home and waits until long after nightfall to see if a pig walks past his window
44. Jason Statham realises it's late and he needs to get some sleep before he's back on the Gunfist set tomorrow, so he sets up a GoPro to catch footage of any passing pigs in the night
45. Jason Statham sleeps through his alarm because he stayed up too late watching out of the window
46. Jason Statham wakes up and realises he slept in shit shit shit
47. With no time to lose Jason Statham grabs his GoPro and dives out the window
48. Jason Statham explains to Simone, the director, that he is 2 hours late on set because he had to film a succession of pigs passing his window. Simone asks Jason Statham for a word in private.
49. Jason Statham gets a bollocking from the director for being late and he massively respects this because most people are too intimidated by him to do something like that
50. Jason Statham gets a small omelette for his lunch
51. While rehearsing a fight scene, Jason Statham checks footage on his GoPro
52. Jason Statham discovers that two pigs passed his window at 3.47 AM
52. Alone in his kitchen, Jason Statham hears 'walk like an egyptian' come on the radio, so he does the dance
53. Jason Statham gets out the broom but somehow can't quite be arsed to sweep up
54. Jason Statham squeezes a spot on his forehead, quietly surprised that he can still get a spot at his age
55. Jason Statham says to himself that it would be mad to stay up late again watching for pigs pass by his window when he really should concentrate on shooting his new movie 'Gunfist'
But he knows he will stay up all the same
But he knows he will stay up all the same
56. Jason Statham sits near the window. And waits.
57. Jason Statham keeps waiting until it gets as dark as two midnights in a jug.
58. Jason Statham begins to nod off in his chair
59. Jason Statham shudders awake and sees -
60. - A pig looking RIGHT AT HIM
61. Jason Statham jumps straight through his small kitchen window
62. Jason Statham pursues the pig through a street, an alley and some waste ground
63. Jason Statham remembers some tips for sprinting super-fast that he wrote into his book 'Foot Chases' in 2017
64. Jason Statham sprints super-fast and gets within grabbing distance of the fleeing pig
65. Jason Statham lunges to catch the pig but it cuts sideways and escapes through a small moss-covered stone archway
66. Jason Statham is about to pursue the pig through the arch but a heavy mossy slab slides across and blocks his way
67. Jason Statham peels away some of the moss on the slab and reveals mysterious symbols carved in its surface
68. Jason Statham does not know what any of this means. But he will find out.
69. Yes.
Jason Statham will find out.
Jason Statham will find out.
70. End of episode one. More later in August.
