"fish meat is practically a vegetable" - Ron Swanson.

"When it comes to government hearings, the only type of witness I enjoy being is a hostile one...That's why I intend to answer everyone of their questions...with a question." - Ron Swanson

"On principle I never say anything a person is trying to get me to say." - Ron Swanson.

"When I walked in this morning and say the flag was at half mast, I thought "ALRIGHT! another Bureaucrat ate it"...but then I found out it was Lil Sebastion......half mast is too high.....SHOW SOME DAMN RESPECT" - Ron Swanson

“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night, if it meant nothing got done.” - Ron Swanson

“I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero initiative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.” - Ron Swanson

my favorite: “Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.” - Ron Swanson