Today in Sea of Thieves, we were chasing down an enemy ship and they yelled "TRUCE, TRUCE", so I yelled through the megaphone, in my best pirate voice, "BRING US YER BANANAS AND WE'LL LET YE LIVE", and continued chasing. Then we noticed one of them in the water, 1/

swimming toward us with a storage crate. We let him aboard, and in the crate he had 25 bananas. I proceeded to stand there, making wet eating noises as I binge ate the entire crate in front of him. 2/

Then, after he left, I swam for a LONG TIME in order to sneak aboard their ship, such that when they came below deck, they found my standing by their food barrels, eating all of the bananas they had not given me 3/

They took pity on me, understanding my addiction, and handed me more bananas. I ate them all. Probably 100 bananas. And then, as they played music for me, I warned them, "Do not give yerself to that yellow demon, as I have. Nanners have taken all I ever loved." 4/

"But still, I crave more. Say a prayer fer yer old pal, Blitz Faulkner" (which is my in-game name). Then I loaded myself in the cannon and launched myself into the setting sun, never to be seen again. /end.

Shout out to @hobbitfancier, who helped me eat the bananas and assisted in burning our ship, to destroy the evidence of our sins.