Being non-binary now feels very different from when I first came out 10 years ago. I remember I had a lot of binary trans friends in college and one day during office hours a friend asked me how I identified. I think my brain flat lined- they clearly saw something I hadn’t.

When I was younger I remember feeling excited at the thought of becoming a woman and very proud. But I don’t think I ever became one. I never looked at myself and went “ah, yes, finally! You have achieved womanhood and can experience the world as such!” I think that friend asking

me about my identity kind of magnified the fact that I never felt settled in any identity. I just kept waiting for one to pop up in adulthood. I responded that I knew I wasn’t cisgender, but I couldn’t give them a real answer. I initially went with agender.

I always said that I enjoyed being “specifically unspecific” and I changed my name and pronouns to ensure that there would always be confusion. Not really, but it’s still very amusing to be a twink when strangers expect a burly man.

I can’t remember when I starting identifying as non-binary specifically, but it suits me. I’m more of an experience. Not necessarily a good one, but you sure won’t forget me. My temper still needs curbing even as I push 30.

The preconceived notions people have about me or my identity gives me more anxiety than my actual identity. I’m not really at war with my body and I don’t have any plans to push myself into a more masculine presentation. I don’t think I’m very androgynous either.

But being non-binary makes me happy. Being Jack makes me happy. I feel very negatively about who I was before being Jack and I’m lucky to have had support systems in the past that pushed me to be the grumpy, little toad I am.

I think if I had chosen a binary gender (or any specific gender tbh) I would have flailed and felt like I did a disservice to that community. I don’t think I do gender well, but I’m a lot of other things that are way more interesting anyway.

So happy non-binary people’s day! There are no rules to gender, you’re all gay if you think I’m cute, I’m definitely still a homo even though there is no gender to like the “same” of, strict definitions are boring, and sorry this thread made no sense!