Tonight I had to tell one of my best friends that I’m not coming to her wedding because of the virus. It was difficult. These last four months have just been… something.

The number of friends I have who have been unemployed with absolutely no job prospects over the last 10 weeks is just heartbreaking and exhausting and depressing.

The amount of people I know who have essentially said “fuck it!“ and are just out and about like there’s no pandemic going on around them is frustrating and anxiety-inducing.

And I’m working 90 hours a week minimum, all through the weekend, taking calls at 6 AM and 9 PM, trying desperately to keep my company from going bankrupt and losing my job.

I know everybody is going through this, in every part of the country. Whether you’re in a big outbreak spot now, like my friends in Florida, or in a place where it raged really bad, like New York and New Jersey.

And my friends in Northwest Ohio, where the virus isn’t spreading very much, but all the industry has suffered. Everyone is missing milestones, income, connection.

It makes it all the more frustrating that we just can’t seem to get this thing under control when so much of the rest of the world is laughing at us, or pitying us, or posting every day about how irresponsible we are.

Rough day overall, hearing my friend sobbing because she is finally getting married and nobody will be there with her. She understands why, of course. It’s just, she deserved a great day. It may seem small to people who have it worse, but it’s her pain and I have empathy for her.

This whole pandemic has unearthed that we don’t know how to act with kindness and empathy when there are no good choices. Everything right now is a lose-lose proposition.

And so when somebody says to me that this is actually a wonderful time to learn how to detach from capitalism or material goods, and they’ll miss it when it’s over, I want to punch them in the face.

But I will try not to let my sorrow make evil of me. Some of these days are more exhausting than others, and this was one of them. Time for bed!