We're autistic.

Some of us prefer person-first language, e.g. "I have autism."
But according to countless polls, the vast majority of us prefer identity first language. "I am autistic."

But neurotypicals keep quote tweeting us and saying "this is so wrong!"

This happens over and over again.

An autistic person will tweet something using identity first language.

A neurotypical "ally" will quote tweet them, and say something along the lines of "autism does not define you! use person first language! person with autism!"

It's always quote tweeting an autistic person for self-describing.

Then, you ask them to please use identity first language.

Whether you're polite or not -- you're not required to be polite -- the response is always the same.

The supposed ally will say something like "I will respect your personal choices -- just you -- but I will continue insisting that I am correct and referring to everyone else using my own personal preferred language, above the preferences of people with autism."

Then if they don't accept our individual response, we'll point them to collective autism wisdom.

At this point, they'll say "I am clearly the victim here, since I am being swarmed by the autism brigade! I am actively listening! I am an ally! They are mean to me!"

When someone is telling you they're actively listening to you, that's really a meaningless thing to say.

How can you tell if they're actively listening?

Do you feel like they're hearing you?

Do you feel like they're digging their heels in?

That's how you tell.

If you sense that they are not actively listening, they are probably not actively listening.

If you do not feel supported, even when they repeatedly tell you that they are an ally, they are probably not an ally.

The more they center themselves, the more suspicious they are.

And it's very telling when they start complaining about organizations that are led by autistic people, and then saying that somehow they represent our best interest.

Please note that these are neurotypicals telling us that autistic-led organizations aren't representing our best interests.

THAT'S OUR JOB. IT IS UP TO US AND ONLY US TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT AN AUTISTIC ORGANIZATION IS REPRESENTING US ADEQUATELY.

And like, I've seen valid complaints coming from multiply-marginalized autistic folks.

Because some organizations can be super heavy on white cis dudes, and that's really not adequate representation.

We can't base our entire knowledge of autism off white cis dudes.

That's basically why the whole self diagnosis debate is still blowing up so hard.

When it's only white cis autistic dudes talking about autism, they don't get to understand why some people might not be able to get a diagnosis.

Or why they might not want one.

We might not come to understand how this "be loud, be proud, be visibly autistic, stim in public" movement may end up excluding some people.

Like, don't get me wrong. I'm all for stimming in public.

But not everyone can safely do that.

And you have to respect that.

But I digress.

I swear, neurotypicals who loudly say "I am a wonderful ally! The best ally! I am actively listening! Please be quiet while I do my active listening! I hear you! No, you're wrong! I hear you!" are not allies and are not actively listening.

They can shut up.

By the way.

GOOD GRAVY.

You don't get to call yourself an ally.

The people you are supporting will be the ones who call you an ally. Or not.

People who say "look at me, I am a great ally" are rarely great allies.