Thread by @alicegoldfuss, I'm waiting for some soup to cool on the stove, so I [...]

I& #39;m waiting for some soup to cool on the stove, so I guess I& #39;ll do a thread about gender

(no surprise reveal, just some ruminations)

my personal relationship with gender has always been a battle between how I feel vs how others treat me and resolving the two

I have childhood toys marked "Alex" not Alice, wanted to play on the boys& #39; baseball team, hated puberty, wore suits in school choral recitals etc etc

this sounds like the start of a "and therefore I am a boy" story

but my gender expression doesn& #39;t exist in a vacuum

it interacts with society and also my *personality*

I am very much a "works well within constraints" type person

my nightstand is a cardboard box from the last time I moved

it& #39;s fine

I look at my body as a pile of resources assigned to me on a deserted island

cool, whatever, I& #39;ll make it work

I went through this whole period of researching fashion and makeup

I wasn& #39;t trying to become a specific type of woman or man

I was trying to figure out what kind of body/face I have and how to maximize its attractiveness

I know how to dress a slim body with boobs and what haircut works with my jawline

I look good in suits and certain dress cuts and certain hairstyles

I& #39;ve had conversations with friends where they& #39;re like "so you& #39;re...*something*" meaning I& #39;m *something* outside of the normal gender binary

if being apathetic and happy to fuck around with gender is nonbinary, then ok

but, the thing is, how I see myself doesn& #39;t immediately transfer to how society sees me

society sees me as a woman, has treated me like a woman, for good and for worse

and I& #39;m not interested in investing time and resources into changing myself in hopes that society...won& #39;t treat me like shit?

(and there& #39;s no guarantee they would stop, anyway)

basically I wake up in the morning and think "hello, my name is Alice. also, I have boobs." similar to "hello, my name is Alice. also, I have brown hair."

and because I have boobs, people treat me differently! they pass over me for promotions, hit on me, sexually assault me, try to take away my rights

but I& #39;m not interested in removing my boobs, because they don& #39;t personally bother me. I& #39;m apathetic.

I consider my pronouns to be the same as my cell phone number

it& #39;s a way to get ahold of me

I& #39;m still the same person on the other end of the line

I didn& #39;t change my cell number when I moved

I& #39;m not invested in changing my pronouns

it& #39;s fine

maybe someday it won& #39;t be fine! but right now, I really don& #39;t care

I would rather do other things than teach people new ways to isolate me

and if I& #39;m not interested in hormones or surgery, then might as well keep being called a woman

because I& #39;ve been treated like a woman my whole damn life. it& #39;s made things HARD. I want that recognized.

so yeah I guess you might call me nonbinary or agender or genderfluid or WHATEVER but what matters to *me* is how society treats me

because when I& #39;m alone, I have no problems

anyway these are just *my* personal feelings

they do not reflect the experiences or feelings of others

please respect people& #39;s pronouns and genders

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