Read on Twitter
F1 DRIVERS AS TEA
A THREAD BY A SMALL CHAOTIC WOMAN
A THREAD BY A SMALL CHAOTIC WOMAN
(DISCLAIMER: just know that I took genuine time to curate this (lockdown has ended me) and there is nothing you can say to make me feel ashamed of this thread. You can try, but I simply do not care 
THANKS BYE)
THANKS BYE)
Lewis Hamilton: Darjeeling
Often described as the ‘champagne of teas’ , this tea is very much boujee with a complex flavour profile
Often described as the ‘champagne of teas’ , this tea is very much boujee with a complex flavour profile
Valtteri Bottas: Coffee
You really think I could assign a tea to this man? No. His body is a solid 40% coffee. Change my mind.
You really think I could assign a tea to this man? No. His body is a solid 40% coffee. Change my mind.
Sebastian Vettel: Earl Grey
Timeless, sophisticated and tasteful. It’s generally enjoyed by everyone and is exciting and reliable
Timeless, sophisticated and tasteful. It’s generally enjoyed by everyone and is exciting and reliable
Charles Leclerc: Chai
Both sweet and spicy. A pleasant and warming herbal alternative to your basic black and green teas but can also pack an unexpected punch
Both sweet and spicy. A pleasant and warming herbal alternative to your basic black and green teas but can also pack an unexpected punch
Max Verstappen: Lemon and Ginger
Very energising, a kind of chaotic and ‘in your face’ flavour profile if you brew it for long enough, disappointing if you don’t. Packs a BIG punch but in a good way
Very energising, a kind of chaotic and ‘in your face’ flavour profile if you brew it for long enough, disappointing if you don’t. Packs a BIG punch but in a good way
Alex Albon: Peach
Sweet and refreshing. If brewed for long enough and given enough attention it has a bold fruity flavour and is very much like a breath of fresh air
Sweet and refreshing. If brewed for long enough and given enough attention it has a bold fruity flavour and is very much like a breath of fresh air
Lando Norris: Sakura
It’s pink and flowery, come ON. It warms your soul, with a light, floral and plum like flavour which just gives happy vibes to be honest
It’s pink and flowery, come ON. It warms your soul, with a light, floral and plum like flavour which just gives happy vibes to be honest
Carlos Sainz: Caramel Brownie
This tea appears to be great; sounds good, the concept is good, if brewed well it can be good, but can very easily let you down
This tea appears to be great; sounds good, the concept is good, if brewed well it can be good, but can very easily let you down
Daniel Ricciardo: Senna
This shit CLEANSES YOUR SOUL AND YOUR BODY. Wanna live a happy and healthy live? Drink up kids
This shit CLEANSES YOUR SOUL AND YOUR BODY. Wanna live a happy and healthy live? Drink up kids
Esteban Ocon: Green
Healthy, happy, a ton of cognitive and physical benefits and good for the soul. Reliable and usually takes people by surprise by how it’s better than expected
Healthy, happy, a ton of cognitive and physical benefits and good for the soul. Reliable and usually takes people by surprise by how it’s better than expected
Pierre Gasly: Chamomile
The vibes are peaceful and immaculate. Chamomile increases the release of dopamine in the brain meaning consumption can make you happy and calm
The vibes are peaceful and immaculate. Chamomile increases the release of dopamine in the brain meaning consumption can make you happy and calm
Daniil Kvyat: Mint
Kind of flavourless at first sip, but every once in a while you get a rare bit of BAM leaving you pleasantly surprised, although most wouldn’t make it a frequent beverage or are even intimidated by it
Kind of flavourless at first sip, but every once in a while you get a rare bit of BAM leaving you pleasantly surprised, although most wouldn’t make it a frequent beverage or are even intimidated by it
Lance Stroll: Matcha
Lance is a fucking valley girl change my mind. If he wasn’t an F1 driver he’d be a Magcon boy or some shit and you KNOW he’s getting those basic drinks
Lance is a fucking valley girl change my mind. If he wasn’t an F1 driver he’d be a Magcon boy or some shit and you KNOW he’s getting those basic drinks
Sergio Perez: White
Sophisticated and light with a floral flavour profile. Overall quite pleasant and well paired with fruity flavours which make it refreshing and highly rated
Sophisticated and light with a floral flavour profile. Overall quite pleasant and well paired with fruity flavours which make it refreshing and highly rated
Kimi Raikkonen: Pu’erh
Aged for a long time, often DECADES in order for the flavours to reach their full potential. Smooth and mature profile, a sophisticated choice
Aged for a long time, often DECADES in order for the flavours to reach their full potential. Smooth and mature profile, a sophisticated choice
Antonio Giovinazzi: Hibiscus
A tart flavour, often with a mild cranberry flavour (aka almost flavourless but not quite). A deep red colour that kind of saves the whole thing
A tart flavour, often with a mild cranberry flavour (aka almost flavourless but not quite). A deep red colour that kind of saves the whole thing
Kevin Magnussen: Rooibos
Smoky and earthy but overall very pleasant, often with some caramel undertones to the flavour. Nicely average
Smoky and earthy but overall very pleasant, often with some caramel undertones to the flavour. Nicely average
Romain Grosjean: Lady Grey
A slightly more floral and perfumey Earl Grey. Tasteful and sophisticated but also very wholesome and refreshing
A slightly more floral and perfumey Earl Grey. Tasteful and sophisticated but also very wholesome and refreshing
Nicholas Latifi: Oolong
Not great if you don’t allow it sufficient time to steep, but given enough time it had a lot of potential. It varies based on the attention you give it, and what you add to it. Overall pleasant
Not great if you don’t allow it sufficient time to steep, but given enough time it had a lot of potential. It varies based on the attention you give it, and what you add to it. Overall pleasant
George Russell: Assam
A staple. A respectable and reliable choice, not particularly disliked by anybody, difficult to get wrong. Can be acquired taste without the right additions but overall, undeniable potential
A staple. A respectable and reliable choice, not particularly disliked by anybody, difficult to get wrong. Can be acquired taste without the right additions but overall, undeniable potential
BONUS TWEET 
Sebas-tea-an Vettel
Sebestian Kettle
Es-tea-ban Ocon
Val-tea-ri Bottas
Nicholas La-tea-fi
[please feel free to add to the tea puns]
Sebas-tea-an Vettel
Sebestian Kettle
Es-tea-ban Ocon
Val-tea-ri Bottas
Nicholas La-tea-fi
[please feel free to add to the tea puns]
