F1 DRIVERS AS TEA
A THREAD BY A SMALL CHAOTIC WOMAN

(DISCLAIMER: just know that I took genuine time to curate this (lockdown has ended me) and there is nothing you can say to make me feel ashamed of this thread. You can try, but I simply do not care THANKS BYE)

Lewis Hamilton: Darjeeling
Often described as the ‘champagne of teas’ , this tea is very much boujee with a complex flavour profile

Valtteri Bottas: Coffee
You really think I could assign a tea to this man? No. His body is a solid 40% coffee. Change my mind.

Sebastian Vettel: Earl Grey
Timeless, sophisticated and tasteful. It’s generally enjoyed by everyone and is exciting and reliable

Charles Leclerc: Chai
Both sweet and spicy. A pleasant and warming herbal alternative to your basic black and green teas but can also pack an unexpected punch

Max Verstappen: Lemon and Ginger
Very energising, a kind of chaotic and ‘in your face’ flavour profile if you brew it for long enough, disappointing if you don’t. Packs a BIG punch but in a good way

Alex Albon: Peach
Sweet and refreshing. If brewed for long enough and given enough attention it has a bold fruity flavour and is very much like a breath of fresh air

Lando Norris: Sakura
It’s pink and flowery, come ON. It warms your soul, with a light, floral and plum like flavour which just gives happy vibes to be honest

Carlos Sainz: Caramel Brownie
This tea appears to be great; sounds good, the concept is good, if brewed well it can be good, but can very easily let you down

Daniel Ricciardo: Senna
This shit CLEANSES YOUR SOUL AND YOUR BODY. Wanna live a happy and healthy live? Drink up kids

Esteban Ocon: Green
Healthy, happy, a ton of cognitive and physical benefits and good for the soul. Reliable and usually takes people by surprise by how it’s better than expected

Pierre Gasly: Chamomile
The vibes are peaceful and immaculate. Chamomile increases the release of dopamine in the brain meaning consumption can make you happy and calm

Daniil Kvyat: Mint
Kind of flavourless at first sip, but every once in a while you get a rare bit of BAM leaving you pleasantly surprised, although most wouldn’t make it a frequent beverage or are even intimidated by it

Lance Stroll: Matcha
Lance is a fucking valley girl change my mind. If he wasn’t an F1 driver he’d be a Magcon boy or some shit and you KNOW he’s getting those basic drinks

Sergio Perez: White
Sophisticated and light with a floral flavour profile. Overall quite pleasant and well paired with fruity flavours which make it refreshing and highly rated

Kimi Raikkonen: Pu’erh
Aged for a long time, often DECADES in order for the flavours to reach their full potential. Smooth and mature profile, a sophisticated choice

Antonio Giovinazzi: Hibiscus
A tart flavour, often with a mild cranberry flavour (aka almost flavourless but not quite). A deep red colour that kind of saves the whole thing

Kevin Magnussen: Rooibos
Smoky and earthy but overall very pleasant, often with some caramel undertones to the flavour. Nicely average

Romain Grosjean: Lady Grey
A slightly more floral and perfumey Earl Grey. Tasteful and sophisticated but also very wholesome and refreshing

Nicholas Latifi: Oolong
Not great if you don’t allow it sufficient time to steep, but given enough time it had a lot of potential. It varies based on the attention you give it, and what you add to it. Overall pleasant

George Russell: Assam
A staple. A respectable and reliable choice, not particularly disliked by anybody, difficult to get wrong. Can be acquired taste without the right additions but overall, undeniable potential

BONUS TWEET

Sebas-tea-an Vettel
Sebestian Kettle
Es-tea-ban Ocon
Val-tea-ri Bottas
Nicholas La-tea-fi

[please feel free to add to the tea puns]