ho ho, this thread! anyway CW: depression/suicide https://twitter.com/meggijackson/status/1282990106169745411

I got into BTS in February, before the pandemic was a serious concern for the middle of the US. So I was already sort of In It by the time March 11 happened (my anniversary! also when I realized things were going to get Very Bad!!!).

I grew up in rural Arkansas and I didn't have a lot of close friends after I hit my pre-teens. During summers until the end of high school I spent A LOT of time alone at home with my parents/guardians.

3.5 months every year mostly alone, until the internet became a thing.

3.5 months alone with parents who were either too busy or abusive. :) :) :)

Needless to say, the lockdowns triggered the heck out of me!! Lots of bad vibes! I was NOT OKAY in March/April, pals. I was distinctly the opposite of okay!!!

Of course I did not openly talk about this with anyone except my therapist! But it happened, the whole thing, suicidal ideation, anxiety, hallucinations, etc etc etc. It was The Worst.

But at the same time: a band.

And at the same time, that band: *shares positive thoughts*

I know folks look at me like, "what the heck? why are you SO INTO this Korean band?"

It was like back in 2014 when I watched a video from a dude that so firmly reflected my mental state that I realized how sick I was and realized I needed help. Same deal.

So like, when I say: Kim Namjoon, BTS, and their art saved my bacon from actively spiraling into another deep depression triggered by the lockdown reflecting my childhood trauma in vivid technicolor, I am Not Kidding.

Anyway, this is a big reason why I'm into BTS now! In case you've missed it the world is trash and sometimes hearing the things you need to hear come not from friends or family or therapists but instead your parasocial relationships.

I do not recommend BTS as a replacement for therapy. Therapy is great if you can afford it (it SHOULD be free for EVERYONE, but instead we have CAPITALISM, ugh). But this is why I am the way I am now. I listened to some Korean dudes talk about loving myself. A+ save.

I suspect this works for me because when I'm VERY sick I distrust the people who know me personally, so it takes something external to knock some sense into me. Brains are pretty weird.

Take care of yourself, friends! Find a good coping mechanism! Be gentle. You deserve it.