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Hey, it's been awhile since I've gotten super Emotional on Main and it hasn't been super totally sad, but somehow, today I'm not feeling _totally_ crushed, so I want to share a context shift I'm experiencing, which I hope helps me out. 
I'm a very empathetic person. I love talking to people and helping them in whatever ways I can, usually by letting them vent.
You (yes, you reading this) deserve to be cared for, to be heard.
But I really struggle to extend that care to myself.
I don't feel like I deserve it.
You (yes, you reading this) deserve to be cared for, to be heard.
But I really struggle to extend that care to myself.
I don't feel like I deserve it.
My therapist once described me, saying "Hey, you know those fiddler crabs? How they have one giant claw and one teeny tiny claw? You're like a fiddler crab who uses that giant claw to care for others and the teeny one for yourself."
I am bad at empathy for myself.
I am bad at empathy for myself.
You deserve care and love and support.
But I don't.
At least, that's what my brain usually tells me, often very loudly, and in These Times it's especially hard to hear that messaging.
I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
But I don't.
At least, that's what my brain usually tells me, often very loudly, and in These Times it's especially hard to hear that messaging.
I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Today, a friend of mine linked me to this video.
It's an interesting video, as someone who's both a parent and a child, but it ends with:
"... knowing how to ensure that we all have the loving childhoods we deserve"
We deserve.
It's an interesting video, as someone who's both a parent and a child, but it ends with:
"... knowing how to ensure that we all have the loving childhoods we deserve"
We deserve.
I genuinely struggle to accept that I have any sense of innate worth or value.
Just, plain, honest and simple. I don't see it (and you won't be able to convince me).
But something about this context? Putting it into "we deserve"?
Somehow, that changes it for me.
Just, plain, honest and simple. I don't see it (and you won't be able to convince me).
But something about this context? Putting it into "we deserve"?
Somehow, that changes it for me.
I've tried other angles.
One of my best friends told me "It's arrogant of you to think that you don't deserve good things. You've not done something horrible to merit special punishment. You're just some guy, who deserves good things, like the rest of us."
That didn't work.
One of my best friends told me "It's arrogant of you to think that you don't deserve good things. You've not done something horrible to merit special punishment. You're just some guy, who deserves good things, like the rest of us."
That didn't work.
The idea of being seen as arrogant? I hoped that'd work.
But there's still an implicit division there.
"like the rest of us".
Still a separation.
But if I put it as We
Somehow I'm able to accept it a little bit?
But there's still an implicit division there.
"like the rest of us".
Still a separation.
But if I put it as We
Somehow I'm able to accept it a little bit?
If you're reading this, you deserve good things.
We do.
These times are hard on so many levels. It's fucking ridiculous. It's awful on more axes than I could imagine, all at once.
But even so
We deserve good things, to be cared for, to be happy.
We do.
These times are hard on so many levels. It's fucking ridiculous. It's awful on more axes than I could imagine, all at once.
But even so
We deserve good things, to be cared for, to be happy.
If you've struggled to accept your own worth, your own value
If you find this resonating with you
I hope that recontextualizing it to We is helpful for you too.
If you find this resonating with you
I hope that recontextualizing it to We is helpful for you too.
