Let's talk about one major facet to why an abuse culture exists among SFF spaces. Because, I repeat: abuse is a feature of SFF spaces, not a bug. I will explain in part...a thread:

There is a term called "respecter of person". It is used to describe a social structure where people have a high focus on yielding to the title, position, power, celebrity, or cult of personality of another.

It does not refer to "respecting others" like you'd think it should.

Any space where there's a complex network of cliques--in-people and out-people--or where there are people who are considered more "fuller citizens of that community" than others, has a "respecter of person" problem.

Any space where there is gatekeeping, arbitrary rules for who is and is not a "real" fan, or gamer, or reader, or writer, or cosplayer...has a "respecter of person" problem.

It is a structure made to exclude others, and laud others beyond reproach.

Most SFF cons have abuse policies, declaring that if anyone is caught abusing another, it won't be tolerated and you should report it, and trust that the abuser will be swiftly handled.
And, that's all well and good...but, does it work in practice?

No. I'll explain:

Example: I have a friend who was groped, repeatedly, at a con sponsored event. They watched the groper try to sattle up and grope other women after they removed themselves from the situation.

This con has good in place policies for reporting sexual assault. So what happened?

Well, they found a staff member to report the groping at the event, and the staff member shrugged and said, "oh, yeah, that's so-and-so. He always acts a little weird when he's been drinking."
And nothing happened to the abuser. He was allowed to continue his predation.

Why was he allowed to continue his predation?
Because he was a friend to the staff at that con. He was insulated and protected from consequences, and enabled because he was part of "the clique".

The victims are left exposed and ashamed as the staff looks the other way.

In this circumstance, the staff member valued their groper friend over convention safety. They valued their own discomfort in having to confront a clique member over the safety of the victim, who was not a member of their clique.

They were a "respecter of person", and "disrespecter" of my friend's personhood in that moment.

The clique member's rights to exist in that space with bad behavior was valued more than my friend's right to exist in that same space unmolested.

Why?

You see, often times when cons write these anti-abuse policies, they have a nebulous image of a stranger in an unwashed tshirt, creeping the convention halls in mind when they think of "an abuser"--someone outside of their circles, not within the "respecter of person" structure.

But, the abuser is SELDOM this stranger. They are more often a member of your clique.

Your friend.

The celebrity writer that's renowned for negging women, or molesting them.

That artist guest of honor with the bad reputation for unwanted touching.

*Your respected person.*

So, cons, are your policies apt to deal with abusers in the likelihood that the abuser is an "important" member of the community?

Or, is your staff undertrained, and apt to react like the staff member my friend dealt with, and look the other way when the abuser is one of them?

I've been to a lot of cons that regularly invite the renown sexual harasser, or guest that is known for playing grab-ass with young women when no one is looking, because of "who" the abuser is.

They tolerate the known abuser's "eccentricities" because they are important, a fan favorite, well connected, or have some level of celebrity.
I've seen cons go to great lengths to embrace these known abusers out of a sheer "respecter of person" complex.

They give known abusers chaperones...they go to an extreme length to include the abuser in the event.
It takes some prodding to get con chairs to the realization that maybe instead of breaking your back to babysit a grown man, maybe don't invite them in the first place???

Maybe no one is such a bigshot, or important part of your clique, that they can't be excluded from spaces they can't be trusted in?
Maybe they will never learn proper conduct so long as they know others will cover for their abuse?

Our abuse policies are toothless so long as they don't include methods for dealing with the likely abusers: friends, clique members, respected guests. Our policies are toothless unless every member of that convention is accountable to someone.

We will never uproot the abuse problem that is inherent in SFF spaces so long as our culture is drenched in this "respecter of person" trap.
We need to start making the shift to becoming a community that is a "respecter of personhood" instead, that way, no member is unprotected.

This is going to be hard and painful.
You'll lose friends. You'll watch your heroes fall.

But we can't have a community that respects the personhood of all its members unless we are willing to not just accept that "so-and-so gets like that when he drinks" but instead apply our policies without prejudice.

@allie911 I think I have a good idea now of something I want to cover in that podcast later

Something else to considered when planning con policy. https://twitter.com/mm_schill/status/1283126116170043394?s=19