Thread by @NiceConvos, I would like to talk about something, but keep deleting my tweets, [...]

I would like to talk about something, but keep deleting my tweets, as it's so difficult to put into words and do it justice.
Today, on the 14th July we remember the victims of #HonourKillings.
I's a topic that is very personal to me, because behind each story are many people. /1

One reason why I don't ever talk about this topic is that every time I mention it, there's a pile on from right wing idiots trying to twist it for their own agenda. And that's not on. But in a way if I don't talk, they also win.

/2

So I might ramble, and struggle to put things into words, but let me take you back many many years to my childhood.
I had a friend at school for many years and then one day she was brutally murdered in the name of honour. I've not forgotten her even decades later. /3

That's usually the point when people say how sorry they are, and then they want to move on.
I don't blame them, because it's not an easy topic at all to discuss.
But there is so much more to that story and so many prejudices attached to #HonourKillings that are often wrong. /4

Let me tell you a little bit more about her background and why it is so important to openly talk about things like religion, to be able to understand and not just assume and judge.
That friend of mine, we met and became school friends when we were 10 years old. /5

We went to a state school, with children from all sorts of backgrounds. Many different cultures coming together. We had shared religious studies. Atheists, Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Muslims... We were children & we didn't care about race or religion. We were just friends. /6

And that's the thing: we all studied together, learned together and we learned about the differences of different cultures and different religions and we all came to accept each other. We were kids. We were friends. Everything else was a detail that wasn't important to us. /7

That friend of mine, she happened to be a Muslim. I knew, and she spoke to us about going to mosque as much as I knew about other friends who were say Catholic and spoke about church. It wasn't even a major topic, just "what did you do yesterday?" "Went to church/mosque/..." /8

I sometimes wonder if that shared experience of growing up together helps gain a different understanding.

That friend is the only one who one day after summer break returned to school wearing a head scarf. And because we were used to talking normally, we asked her about it. /9

And she explained to us that she made the decision because of her beliefs. Nobody forced her, it was just something she wanted to do. Her older sister didn't want to, which was fine, too. It was very much a decision like that of a Christian friend who decided to wear a cross. /10

So as kids, we just accepted each other and moved on to more important things. We were all different, but we didn't care. As now young teenagers, we really had other things in mind that seemed much more interesting!

/11

Go forward another year or two and one morning everything changed.
I was never a morning person and my usual routine involved listening to the radio for a while in bed, while slowly waking up. It helped me to listen to music and news before having to get up and getting ready. /12

That morning, instead of hearing the usual music it was in the middle of a police report on the radio, saying that the suspect hadn't been found yet and may be armed and asked people to be careful in that area. This was unusual for our town and I was immediately wide awake. /13

I was interested in news & current affairs anyway, something unusual happening in our town immediately peeked my interest.
The report ended and a summary followed, saying that it was yet unconfirmed, but people may have died and an armed suspect was seen in a certain street. /14

I remember thinking oh that's where my friend lives.
Now, I am old enough so this was before mobile phones or having computers at home to check in with friends. But school would start soon, so we could talk then. I was wondering if she had heard the news that morning though. /15

In that moment there were breaking news saying people should stay indoors and that they had still unconfirmed reports about more people who may be injured or dead. By now I hoped my friend had definitely heard the news and would not risk leaving for school, to stay safe. /16

More news came in, mentioning the exact address, armed person on the run and that it had now been confirmed by the police that people had sadly died.
It was the house of my friend.
I didn't move.
I was hoping it was not her flat, but one of the many other ones in that house. /17

With the next news update, the police speaker confirmed that several people had died in what they assumed was an #HonourKilling, more injured & the suspect was still on the run. They didn't yet name the victims, but said it was several family members in two different flats. /18

I knew in that moment, but I didn't want to believe it. I knew that the only Muslim family in that house was that of my friend, but I was still hoping that my friend was ok. It couldn't possibly be that she wasn't. She was fine the day before and we had plans for the weekend. /19

I told myself that it couldn't be her, because she wouldn't have been affected by #HonourKillings as she was way too young and wasn't even dating.
The police speaker came back on and said he wanted to announce further details due to the unusual nature of the crime. /20

Content warning: violence & death.
He confirmed the names of the victims & the suspect.
My friend was the main victim.
She was murdered with a shot into her forehead, execution style.
So were her brother, grandmother and a 1 year old baby.
The suspect was armed and dangerous. /21

I was numb, didn't want it to be true.
The sheer violence was shocking.
How could something like this have happened?
Why?
Things like that happen elsewhere.
This was a safe place.
The suspect was found a couple of hours later nearby, he had shot himself.
My friend was dead. /22

Later, we learned more details. The person who had murdered 4 people, including my friend, was part of their faith community.
But, despite this being classed as part of #HonourKillings, religion was not the reason for her death.
Jealousy and a false sense of ownership were. /23

Some right wing idiots were quick to paint a story of "see, that's what Muslims do!". The truth couldn't have been further from it.
The murderer was banned from his community, he had attacked several teenage girls before and thought he was "in love" with my friend. /24

My friend, who was 15, had no interest in that adult man. Her family was on her side and told him to leave her alone. And this man, who didn't want to accept rejection, decided to kill my friend and half her family in the name of honour to teach them all a lesson. /25

I lost my friend that day. Her family suffered a tragedy. And the whole community, of all faiths and none came together and mourned about our losses.
We all rejected racism that tried to highjack the situation for their own gain. Because that grief had no single religion. /26

No matter how much their murderer quoted religion and honour as his reason, he was wrong.
He didn't like that a 15 year old girl said no to him.
He didn't like that her family and her faith community backed her and send him away.
And he decided to take people's lives that day./27

And decades later, I still remember my friend.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday.
And I reject racism.
Talk to each other and learn about different cultures and religions.
We are all people and have much more in common than what divides us.

/28

And I do hope that one day, #HonourKillings are a thing of the past.
For now though, remember the people we all lost and remember they were loved.
Like my friend. And her family members. Who were taken from us too soon.

/END

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